Monday, November 18, 2013

8 more favourites from the iPhoto archives - can you spy itty bitty betty among the pea blossoms No.1

Our capacity for wholeheartedness can never be greater than our willingness to be broken hearted.

Brené Brown

I'd also add - can never be greater than our willingness to be open hearted, which maybe is the same thing as broken hearted. I feel lately like my chest is wide open and my heart laid bare & exposed, everything makes me cry

All the usual suspects of course - the mostly self imposed motley crew - sadness, frustration, anger, hurt, pain, suffering, stress, insecurity. But most of all it's been watching daily, sometimes hourly, with bated breath my dear girl Winnie's slow but sure decline. We're getting close I fear to that eventual big goodbye and it feels like I will not survive that sadness … but of course I will survive, I know I will. I just won't want to be surviving for a time.

I also cry at beauty, love, nature, insects (especially the teeny, tiny, pin head sized  spiders  that live among my house plants), I cry at the wilted dried flower petals, the mounds of musty fall leaves, the ocean waves, the ocean's stillness, the moss, the giant flocks of geese flying overhead and honking joyously to each other all the way, lichen, the large elm across the street from us, the books beside my bed, the comfort of my pets, my home, the flannel sheets, the feelings of safety & security I have every minute of every day, the fire Doug makes each chilly evening … my life.

Tears are really about appreciation & gratitude I'm realizing with great relief. Tears are much maligned, they certainly have been in my life. Tears were always frowned upon. tears were meant to be put away. My tears sometimes  are about wonder & wondering. Wondering can I do this ? Can I bare the weight of all this love, this beauty, this ache … this life.

You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.

Anne Lamott

Since watching the Super Soul Sunday interview with Oprah & Anne Lamott* (mostly about her recent book which I'm currently reading - Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers) - I have been soaking up & soaking in every bit of her online audio wisdom (youtube talks) with Anne - when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I'll listen to the same talks again today and the next day … and likely the day after that because she gives me such great comfort.

* I know, I know I am so very late to the Anne Lamott game, she's been on my radar for years & years, many books of hers recommended to me, especially Bird by Bird (which I've ordered from the library) but it's her conversations around faith, grace & prayer that are helping me, connecting with me now. So grateful to have found her exactly when I need her - Madam Universe (god) is at it again ;-)


  1. oh sweet susan my heart is aching for you as you count down with miss winnie. i remember those days/weeks/months that i did the same with my presley. i never missed a chance to take his head gently in my hands, look into his eyes and say my thanks for all the joy and friendship he gave me. i know you do the same with your dear girl. ((hugs))

  2. thank you Julie from both of us - & oh yes the memories & adventures Missy D and I reminisce over, so SO many memories and exciting adventures, losses and sadness & loads of enduring love for nearly 15 years - from our first first memorable meeting. I treasure her love and I will always treasure her love. xoxo Susan

  3. I know how much that thought weighs on you. You must take comfort in the knowledge that no one could possibly give Winnie a better life than you have. She has been fortunate to have so many long days with you!

  4. Just remember that Miss Winnie would not want you to be sad for too long.

  5. I have tears when I read your blog a lot of days. You express so eloquently how I feel about things. I can feel the pain in my heart of the inevitable time when one's beloved pet must go on to the other side. Winnie seems to be such a sweet and loving dog and such a best friend to you. I so feel for you and the inevitable loss that you will feel when she decides it is time. But, we must look at the bright side. She is going to hang in there with YOU until she knows it is time! Animals always seem to have that sense of when it's time to go. They also have an ability to hang in there with us when they know that we need them just a little longer too! It seems like they know more than we do about things like that. Take care my friend. Gracie and I are sending XXOO to you and Miss Winnie!

  6. Glorious images dear Susan, yes, I did spot lil Miss Betty amongst the pea flowers.A lovely photo of Sam and Miss Winnie sitting together.
    So many things make us cry,it is not always a bad thing, when the beauty of something touches our heart tears are a response to the profound effect that the beauty has had upon us.
    I wish I could turn back the clock sweet Susan and Missy D was young and vibrant again, it is so terribly sad to watch a beloved pet decline in their senior years.
    I feel for you, she is a sweet girl and she could not wish for a more loving owner than you,just treasure the time that you have left together.
    love and hugs
    xoxoxo ♡


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