call it wallow if you will

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Jake he truly was my hero dog, the love of my life for 12 years

Sunday morning - fresh coffee from my new sparkling white coffee maker. Just recently awake from a solid sleep with Winnie and Oliver curled up on the bed through the night with me. Sound sleep thanks to the tiny magic pill that you slip under your tongue and let dissolve. A suggestion from MLou, best friend who lately is always brave enough to call and face my sadness with me. Such a kind thing ... sadness which makes you want to hide and retreat when really you need the kindness of friends, the kindness that you're too hurt and afraid to seek out. The kindness that has to come and find you ... buried under the covers or crying in the bathtub praying to God please make this all not true. I want him back please. That terrible feeling of panic through your whole being when you realize that there is nothing that you can do, you can't change it and you can't fix it. You can't make this go away and it's tainted everything around you with that same stain of sadness. What's good in life when my big ol' Noodle dog is gone. Everything sucks. I am mad and sad, and it's a deadly combination.

11:15am what a freakin' handsome dog. Just heard this happy sounding Talking Heads song on the radio. Here's the video for Nothing But Flowers. Eating a toasted white bread sesame bagel smeared with butter and honey, It's sunny and cold outside and we're all cozy inside by the fire and I'm finally all cried out.


  1. Bless your friend MLou - she's a friend to all of us for being a friend to you.

  2. Thanks Patti! She's a saint ... and honestly I don't know how I would've managed without her. My saint M.

  3. Patti has said what I was thinking. Those of us who read your words want so much to be able to help. It's good to know there is someone near you who can do that.

  4. You are helping SO much Judy and Patti, Anya, Vee and J. and Mary D in Texas. Pherenike far away in New Zealand. Each one of you, every comment you leave, every warm thought and hug that you send our way ...makes me know, without a doubt that you do understand how this feels.

    I appreciate that you kind of fell a little bit in love with him to, my Jake and you see what a huge part of my world he was and still is.

    He was one amazing dog! I'm so lucky that he found me ...and I do believe that he was looking for me that's why it took him two other homes to finally arrive here at 29 Black Street.

    Thank you, thank you


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