a new life

Monday, February 25, 2008

Winnie Dixon from her tourism Nova Scotia campaign winter 07

Painted cute cars and trains and trucks with gouache until 7pm last night. Managed to complete 3 paintings and had a quick email from customer No. Uno (which I opened with bated breath) she's happy with them and they can make subtle adjustments in Photoshop at their end. Phew!! I'm not that pleased with the finished paintings because I know I could do so much better if I didn't have to think and paint and plan and design all at the same time ... but such is the life of a your wish is always my command freelance designer. And please do not interpret these words as whining or complaining because I do need and want the work. The good side of tight deadlines is you're forced to make a lot of money in a very brief time - and that's never bad. I just was feeling very fragile Saturday. The weekends are more difficult. I guess I still expect something different from a weekend, from a Friday night. And my days and nights all just kind of blur together into one very similar pattern.

So 4 paintings down, I did do one on Friday. 4 more to go and I'm saving my two favourite for last. Another trick of my freelance life. Always do the most difficult and unappealing first and save the best for last. This helps pull you along through a big project.

After really crashing and burning emotionally Saturday and early Sunday. Of just feeling so tired, so tired of missing Jake and being sad. Feeling empty and lonely and that it all, everything, seemed so futile. And wishing I could wave a white flag and give up. All the while madly painting cuteness in gouache on watercolour paper and thinking and pondering, me and my life, I realized that I don't really want my old life back ... I would love to have Jake back there's no question there, but what I really want, what I need, what would be SO good for me ... is a brand new life.

That's what I need to create ... as daunting a task as that might be. A new life.


  1. Susan, what a breakthrough! Kinda like giving birth!?! Applause, applause, applause! I hope what's ahead for you seems like a brilliant, blank canvas, just waiting for your patient, open, unhurried creativity. Just the title alone of your entry today is full of opportunity and adventure.... and I know it was no easy road to get here and it will, at times, likely still be fraught with fear and sadness. But, oh the possibilities!

  2. merci ! H. thanks for the vote of confidence.

  3. A new life...what a sweet and awesome thought. I can relate, since my life has changed dramatically over the past few years. I often feel lost and overwhelmed, but then progress is made, inches can be as good as miles, with the occasional pause to remember to breathe. :)

  4. Hey! a brand new day over at No. 29... alright! good idea Susan.... sending hugs....


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