Monday, June 23, 2008

oriental poppies

sorrow is the child of too much joy

Chinese Proverb

Somehow over the weekend I went from simple summer contentedness to an almost desperately sad and worried frame of mind. Eckhart would tell me that my ego and my pain body were having another party in my head, and that's probably true - but unless you have the strength to boot them out they will wreak havoc with content and carefree. It happens like that sometimes, I'm just walking along, happily (or so it seems) humming a tune, and in an instant, the ground seems to give out beneath me. Things suddenly seem bleak, the air becomes filled with what ifs and lately, I am continually haunted by my boys last hours. At it's worst I feel like a crazy person and it makes me feel sick.

Yesterday afternoon, a beautiful hot & sunny day, I lay in my hammock in the back garden for hours on end. Under a big tree and with a gentle breeze, I stared up at the sky and watched the birds and I read a bit and napped - the only cure I could muster for this kind of illness.

And it always passes ... I think it's why I've always loved the beginning of the day, an early morning ... and another chance to start anew. A fresh cup of coffee, me and my eternal optimist, a new plan neatly penned on a clean page in my little red Moleskin journal and a hot bath, with bubbles and lavender, to wash away any remnants of yesterday.


  1. These wonderful poppies should brighten your morning, too. :)

  2. I'm busy having several days of introspection and feeling down in the dumps til I get my cart back on track. Visiting family will do that to me every damn time. I'm too opinionated...too outspoken...too undiplomatic.....too everything it seems. And, because I don't have kids everybody thinks I shouldn't have any opinion whatsoever regarding anything to do with theirs.... what? I am still a pretty intelligent, very logical human being.. I don't think I should have to jump out in front of a speeding truck either to know that it will hurt like hell when I get hit....I am prodding myself forward once again in my own little world... trying to decide if it is worth ever visiting again....

  3. oh Vee, that's very sad ... I know only too well that blood definitely is not thicker than water. I believe you should only surround yourself, when possible, with people who make you feel good, people who love you for who you are ... and people who understand and appreciate the uniqueness that is only you. Easy for me to say. Wink.

    Sending big hugs your way, xo, S & Winn and a special hug from our Buddha Boy sweet Oliver

  4. Sometimes the same thing happens to me. It feels really organic, like a hormonal shift or some sort of chemical imbalance, especially when nothing has happened. The best I can do is recognize it, take some deep breaths, and realize that it's only temporary. I think relaxing in a quiet, sunny hammock is a wonderful way of getting out of that dark place.

  5. I love that your are kind to yourself Susan, knowing that eventually it is something to ride out, and there dawns a new day.May I also add as someone who loves animals dearly and cannot abide cruelty of which there is much in the world, that your contribution to your loved animals' welfare and the beatiful lives you have enabled them to enjoy says so much about you, and while not easing your pain, I am sure their dear sweet souls would want you riding high on their appreciation.I don't know if I've expressed that very well, but kindness does matter. Very much.Beauty shines through your writing and photographs always.

  6. i know exactly how this feels. i commiserate. i like how you handled it. i tend to be hard on myself which only makes it worse. i will remember to try your cure next time it happens to me.

  7. it's good that you have perspective to see through these things.


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