jake & em

red dog, yellow dog

red, red and pale golden blonde
pure love, comfort and endless joy
Jake & Emma Jane Louise (Em)
two of our pack, Miss Winn's and mine
and we miss them ... so much.

I've been on vacation this week. At the cottage ... so to speak. No assigned projects on the drawing table and enough fat invoices out there in the world that I have confidently, dare I say cockily, taken it very easy these past many days. Worry & Fret have disappeared for a few days and it seems like they took Ache & Sadness with them. It's been a lovely, simple, easy week.

MLou arrives this evening for another marathon eat, paint, chat event. We'll try to throw in a few touristy summer village events also - perhaps a dip in the warmest waters north of Virginia (at Crescent Beach a 4 minute walk from my front door). An ice cream cone and a sit in the park at the end of Black Street, maybe a stroll down the main drag of this little village (actually it's the only drag) to visit a few of my favourite shops. We'll eat only snacky things - things like guacamole and corn chips, bagels with chive cream cheese and smoked salmon with fresh juicy tomato slices and a drizzle of olive oil. We'll drink cold tea with lots of ice and lemon slices and we'll sit at the little yellow table in my sun porch for all our meals.

We'll be here, she and I, fixin' up the cottage all weekend.

history

a woman, a dog and a stick being thrown into the ocean - retriever heaven

It's grey and overcast this morning, and it's just beginning to get light . It's breezy and the leaves on the trees outside my window are rustling and the branches are swaying back and forth. The air is warm, I love having the windows wide open ... all the time. We heard a loon early this morning and we could hear the flapping sound of the flags (Canadian, Nova Scotian and the Union Jack ? - once a colony always a colony) in the park and a dog barking way off in the distance, across the harbour somewhere. You know I love this time of day. It's so quiet. It's fresh and new and always full of possibilities.

Sunday July 13th is this blog's one year anniversary and oh what a year it's been. From my perspective this blog is a mostly comforting visual and written record of our life here at 29 Black Street. A life, this past year, filled with simple everyday joys, small struggles and ongoing growing pains and aching sadness like I've never known.

I began this blog completely on a lark with no set intentions and absolutely no idea what a huge and important part of my life it would become. I had no idea the friends and kindred spirits that I would come to know, the kind words, prayers and hugs that I would find waiting for me here. Lifting me up, over and over again, when I felt sure I was sinking. That such a large part of the content of this blog became a loving tribute to my hero dog Jake (both in life and after his death) continues to be an enormous comfort to me - and that my family of animals, past and present can live on, vividly, here. I've always been a compulsive journal keeper and I've always loved photography and taking pictures. The rest is now history, my history, our history here in the old brick house at 29 Black Street, here in this tiny seaside village in Nova Scotia.

Watch Sunday's post for an anniversary celebration give away. More packets of beach treasure - mermaids tears (beach glass), tiny orange and yellow periwinkles, and perhaps a shard or two of well worn crockery.

And thank you again friends and cohorts. You all know who you are ....

at the cottage

doors

Mid week again already. The weather here in my little seaside village has been hot, hot, hot ! 30C (86 F) with lots of humidity. Yesterday there was barely a breeze coming in off the water, so you really felt safest hanging out in the shade. I went to the grocery store at lunch time to pick up a giant bottle of dill pickles (2L) on special this week and while I was there I also picked up whipping cream and a basket of local strawberries.

The grocery store was filled with summer people. Flip flops and beach cover ups and the smell of sun tan lotion. It's funny because I always feel envious of them. They're at the cottage and they've just taken a break from the beach or from their favourite chaise lounge, dog-earing a page in a paperback that they can't wait to get back to, as they scoot into town for more ice, steaks for the barbecue, potato chips or maybe strawberries to make strawberry shortcake for dessert.

I remember that heavenly feeling of being at the cottage, from many 2 week vacations spent in a rented place in beautiful Prince Edward Island. These grocery store shoppers are living in that cottage state of mind. It's that easy, breezy, lazy from the heat feeling. Skin prickly and tight from the sun and the dried remains of evaporated salt water. At their cottage gaudy and colourful beach towels hang on makeshift clotheslines. Tall glasses of ice filled beverages drip condensation on arms of Adirondack chairs. Adults nap in hammocks with the daily paper from the city resting on their chests. Kids scream and splash and race around in water up to their knees and the older kids plunge into deep water off the big wharf. We've had day after day of hot sunny weather. It's summer.

I have to remind myself that I'm also at the cottage ... I'm at the cottage all year round. In fact I live in a winterized cottage.

It is all just a state of mind. And oh the states this mind can get itself into.
And for today ... I'm in a cottage state of mind. I'll be ... at the cottage.

And sweet Nessie's just arrived for his early morning mad pats and deep purrs.

cats & chats

more peony splendour and my new vintage lime green pitcher

Phew ! That's over for another year. Many thanks for all the sweet birthday wishes.

Had a great trip to town and am all stocked up again with big 22kg boxes of clumping cat litter and little tins of assorted Finicky Cat gourmet feasts, like sole, shrimp and crab medley and duck Florentine. I kid not. It seems I have the fussiest cats in the world ... (except for Bleet who happily seems to enjoy any particular flavour of food that I feed him). Gussie is the worst, he's one of those cats who races back and forth against my legs when my feet first hit the kitchen floor each early morning. Back and forth, back and forth, purring madly as if to say thank God you're finally up ... I'm near faint with hunger. I choose a little tin from the newly stashed variety of tins, put a small mound on a clean plate and put it down in front of him. 9 times out of 10 he takes a delicate sniff, and looks up at me as if to say you're kidding, right ? and proceeds to begin the mad rubbing against my legs once again. Back and forth, back and forth., letting me know that he is just moments away from kitten collapse. And what does Mama do ... I open another flavour. How about grilled tuna Mr. Mr. ? They have me totally wrapped and they know it.

Self promotion, customer/job hustling and working on my etsy shop update are the projects on my desk currently. That and that nasty housecleaning thing as I'm having company. MLou is returning this weekend for another designer gals chat and paint, paint and chat, summer rendezvous weekend. Yeah ! This weekend our project will be to paint my upstairs hallway, the big sunny room that is to become a library space for me. She and I have managed over the years to turn the act of chatting into some incredible, endurance marathon sport. As soon as she arrives we get the initial welcome, hello, get your things from the car ... and we're off. Always a limitless selection of topics and things to talk about, and amazingly it's always interesting, stimulating, comforting, and fascinating with some new advanced and fresh takes on themes that she and I have been discussing for years and years (she and I became friends over 20 years ago while attending NSCAD - art college).

We'll often begin with a specific topic and quickly become totally side tracked, off at gallop, we'll embark on a series of ever widening oh, and that reminds me of ... side topics only to eventually find ourselves totally lost, bobbing way out in a sea of how did we get talking about this ? But magically and almost always, one of us manages to retrieve the original topic from the cloud of words and thoughts buzzing above us. It is a truly amazing thing and always makes us laugh that once again we've managed to find our way back. And now we paint and chat - which is perfect. The next thing I know it will be drive carefully, Love ya lots ! and off she'll go back to the city, and we'll have only stopped with the chat to sleep for a few hours. It's lovely and absolutely perfect.

She, nearly single handedly, saved me this year ... and she continues to save me, to lift me up each time I begin to sink again and I love her dearly.

Just downloaded to itunes - this year's drivin' in the car, happy, up-beat, summer anthem song and this vintage summer anthem ... with a shout out to our western friend Vee who's currently suffering through the Calgary Stampede (and don't get me started on the animal abuse issues there).

they say it's your birthday

oh my ! what would I ever do without her sweet cheeks - Miss Winn

Today is my birthday. Honestly, if anything, I woke up with a bigger catch in my throat and that feeling like big moths are living in my stomach. Sometimes it's easier said than done, this changing your thinking business. The chasing away of Ache & Tears, of Loss & Sadness. Just like so many things in life, In Theory it sounds easy. Practice, practice ...

I just googled if today is your birthday ? I'm a Cancer, through and through. Sensitive almost to a fault (although I do believe it's not possible to be too sensitive) - and that can make life feel hard at times. The Cancer profile in Elle magazine includes this sentence ...

"Oh, you’re a mystery, all right -
and sometimes an amazing collection of moods".

and proud of it, I might add. Wink.

from the New York Post - July 7, 2008 - if today is your birthday

You already possess all the qualities you need to succeed in life, but the harsh truth is you have not been using them to any great extent. The cosmic picture on your birthday urges you to stop drifting and start driving yourself towards a worthwhile goal.

And today, Debbie (mother of Winnie's best girlfriend and Golden Retriever - Maggy Sue) is taking me to town, out to lunch and on a big provisions shop, The Farm Store (stock up on kitty litter & dog treats) and The Atlantic Superstore - my fav.

One way to this girl's heart is a trip to town, and especially a trip where I don't have to drive. Smile.

peeper

this little guy kept me company while working in the front garden yesterday

Whenever I have an encounter with an animal, bird or insect that seems a little unusual, rare or out of the ordinary I always consult Animal Medicine to see what message is being sent my way. I've lived in this old house for 15 years and this is only the second frog I've ever seen in my garden. I have this set of cards and book or you can just Google (for example) - animal totem frog. Try it, it's often amazing how the message being sent to you by these different animal messengers is what you need to hear at that particular moment in time. Sometimes it's comforting and always - it's thought provoking (and you know how much I love to provoke those thoughts. Wink). Much like consulting a Tarot card I suppose, but with my love and respect of all the amazing creatures that share our world - Animal Medicine seems the perfect thing for me.

And sure enough the message from frog medicine could not be more bang on, right now ... at this moment in my life.

Frog - cleansing

The frog is the totem of metamorphosis.
It symbolizes coming into your personal power.
When the frog jumps into your life it may indicate
now is a time to find opportunities in transition.
It reminds us not to become bogged down with day-to-day living.

It is the totem of water ..
Its voice calls forth the rains.
Emotions are associated with water and
a frog totem may be telling you to get in touch with your feelings.

It brings cleansing power through tears of sorrow or joy.
Frog knows the importance of releasing our pains with a shower
of cleansing water so we can transform into who we are meant to be.

A reminder for me that from all these tears will come healing, and from this healing will come transformation & metamorphosis. I know this to be true ... I just needed to be reminded.

This little frog is a Northern Spring Peeper and didn't he or she pick the most perfect pink peony to sit in.

heart's desire

afternoon nap - Miss Winnie Dixon & Oliver

Your emotions will follow your mind wherever it goes.
Martha Beck - author, life coach

Eek ! I'm in trouble. Skimming through Martha's latest book Steering by Starlight yesterday afternoon I came across that quote. So simple and oh so true. I found an exercise on page 12 called Treasuring the Future. The exercise is to take 10 minutes each day and spend that time, as vividly as possible, imagining your life with all it's heart's desires. The first thing that I realized is that I get so caught up in all the little worries and frets and to-dos and must-dos that come along with this single, self-employed gal with a big old house and a huge property life that I forget to ever think about my heart's desire, at least in any real concrete way (other than wishing my boy Jake were still here and somehow magically deemed immortal). Especially since his death I think ... all my wishing and dreaming has been about the past. Not good.

If you don't know what your heart desires ... how will you ever find it ?

Anyway ... back to the 10 minute dreaming and imagining exercise. I decided that I would use my nightly witching hour for this exercise. I wake up, each and every night, anytime between 2am and 4am. Wide ! Awake ! and usually I use this time to frighten myself or to feel sad and lonely - a very bad habit I've developed. Last night was my first go at this new exercise and since I don't yet fully understand my heart's desire, I made the simple rule that all my thoughts had to be about success (in life in general or in my creative world/business - I do know that that is my biggest heart's desire - the ongoing building of my little creative empire) or thoughts of happiness & contentment and it actually was quite pleasant and it wasn't that difficult at all. I'm beginning to realize that ...

The secret to changing your thinking, is to remember that your thinking needs changing. Wink.

Fall seven times, get up eight
Japanese Proverb

I should put that on a t-shirt.





Here's a link to Martha Beck's web site. She has many books and also writes a column each month in Oprah's magazine. Also reading This Year I Will .... by M. J. Ryan and her site here.

wishing

jake - good morning sunshine

No terrible ache and no tears hang out with me this morning as I post this Fridays photos of my hero dog, my big red lug - Jake. Sigh. Just lots & lots of love - beaming, grateful, adoring love. That's how it goes ... sometimes it's not so bad and sometimes, still, it's terrible. The missing part ... the wishing he was still here or wishing that I could go back in time and relive some of our most perfect moments, that I could just lie in the grass beside him one more time. Oh oh! Ache & Tears are at the door ... and I must let them come in.

It's summer here in this little seaside village. It's hot, sunny and muggy. The last few days we've had a strong breeze whipping in over the water which has made this summer weather perfect. I plan to work outside in my yard and garden today, La beast rouge and I will finish up a job begun yesterday in the noon day heat. I'll drink ice tea and eat plump sweet strawberries which were grown nearby. I'll hang sheets and pillowcase out on the line and I'll nap in the hammock under the tree with Miss Dixon snoozing nearby me and I'll putter ... 'cause that's what I do best.

and ... in case you missed it yesterday, look who's handsome face has made an appearance here at Design For Mankind. How sweet is that ? Thanks again Erin.


a boy and his stick - sweet Em in the background

treasure

more beach treasure - Polaroid

Most early mornings I know what photograph(s) I plan to post here, and often I even have a topic of conversation in mind. Some mornings I wake up excited to get to get to my computer, coffee in hand, the day outside my large studio windows just beginning to break ... because I'm especially thrilled with the images that I have to post. This is one of those mornings.

I love these composed mosaics of collected beach treasure. I feel inspired and very motivated this morning. Actually that is usually my waking frame of mind, my difficulty seems to be maintaining that optimistic and energetic spirit throughout the day. Yesterday here was hot and muggy and by 10am (remember I'm up at 5am and by 10am I'd already had a two hour walk at the beach - two women, 2 dogs - pure heaven) I was feeling lazy, and even a bit sleepy. All I wanted to do was to be somewhere else, somewhere where a mountain of to-dos and should-dos and must-dos wasn't always dragging around behind me attached to my ankles. At a little cottage somewhere. maybe in my favourite place Prince Edward Island, where the big thing on the morning agenda would be to wash up the breakfast dishes.

It's no secret that I hate housecleaning and I'm horrible at it, which makes me like it even less. I'm sure we're all alike that way, you tend to enjoy the things that you're naturally good at. I need to consider hiring someone ... but even the thought of that whole process, finding someone, can be overwhelming in itself (to moi anyway- easily overwhelmed girl). Yet another big ol' catch 22.

Yesterday instead of vacuuming and mopping my kitchen floors (which are shockingly and desperately in need of both). I schemed and played and arranged little bits of sand worn crockery, I found a beautiful little striped periwinkle in my large jar of tiny periwinkles to add to my beach treasure collage and found along with it a lost memory - back long, long ago when it was just Em and I, she and I would spend hours at the beach. She's be off doing her dog thing, chewing a stick, checking out all the enticing-to-dogs scents, or dipping her pale golden body in the warm salt water and I would be hunting for the ever elusive striped periwinkle shell ... they seemed to be very rare ... and oh the thrill upon finding one. I puttered (my term for doing things in the non important, non-urgent quadrant of life), I made a batch of dog food and peanut butter dog cookies. I had a little afternoon nap with my book and .. I did not do any housecleaning. Sigh. Unfortunately I don't think it will do itself. Another large sigh. A bane, for sure, of my existence. That said, yesterday was quite a lovely day.

This is why I dream of a tiny little place, a bedsit somewhere with a tiny little yard and a tiny little garden. Surely I could handle keeping up with that.

hey - skip on over to Design For Mankind and see a photo tribute of my boy and most excellent friend - Jake. Hey there handsome. Thanks Erin !

pinks

pinks

Sigh. More peony Polaroid loveliness. The colours, the pinks, the chartreuse green and the soft dreamy focus. Love it ...

Well thankfully it's over for another year. The madness and loudness of July 1st. The fireworks did go on, my wishes and prayers for rain went unanswered, they were shockingly loud and seemed to go on way too long. After years of living with assorted dogs and cats who become totally freaked by fireworks I've grown to really dislike them myself. Anyway ... it's over. Smile.

I had quite a restless sleep last night but I finally had a dream about my boy. Honestly it was the first dream I've had about him, at least that I can remember. Nothing dramatic or particularly exciting. His handsome red self, my Jake, had a starring role in a choppy weird dream about home restoration and renovation. I so vividly remember spending sometime rubbing his ears and scratching his lovely red neck and reminding him of how much I loved him. Just a little bit more than life itself - is what I always told him. Big Sigh.

Seems I've been given several blog awards in the last little bit. All very sweet and thoughtful and I'm very honoured to be chosen for the following 1.) from Willow at WillowManor a Special Scribe Award, recognition for my writing - how nice. 2.) from Eleanor at Thatchwick, another dog loving blogger in far away in South Africa, has awarded me the Arte Y Pico and finally 3.) Julie King at Julie King Art has recently deemed 29 Black Street a blog which is Just Plain Fun to Read. Thank you all, for the sweet recognition.

I'm going to mention a good friend and fellow creative gal's new blog The Kei Studio. Visit here and follow her story of transforming a Nova Scotia country church into an artist's studio and gallery and even more tales of life in rural Nova Scotia. And I also stumbled upon this blog - A Field Journal - Wow ! I am stunned by the beauty and talent found here. Her work, her photography and typography ... her blog ... all pure visual yummy-ness. Livy's blog is my new blog of the week.

And finally check out Angry Chicken and her recipe for homemade deodorant complete with this link to a fabulous resource for all kinds of natural stuff. Shea butter, coconut butter, essential oils and so much more and with international shipping.

july 1

true north strong and free

It's Canada Day today ... it's a big day in this little village, a big celebration and it all happens in the park at the end of Black Street steps away from my front door. Secretly I don't like it, the crowds, the loud music and the fireworks at the end of the evening. Sadly it seems that I've become that crotchety older person. I'll pretend it's just like any other day and tomorrow it will all be over.

I'll have a lovely holiday hanging out here at home with Miss Dixon and Les Chats. I'll putter around, I'll cook and in the afternoon I'll start a new book while lying in a summer breeze.

Happy Canada Day.

noonish - sitting at my desk working on the final little bits of last big project for customer No Uno. Miss Dixon is asleep in her bed under my desk, Oliver's on his pillow in the window and I was just thinking about the sounds and smells of Canada Day here in this little village. The smell of deep fried food is wafting in my big wide open studio windows, carried up from the park with the breeze blowing from the harbour. Deep fried clams & chips a July 1st specialty, burgers, grilled sausages, fair food like cotton candy and candy apples. And the sounds coming in the window are of children (the thrilled screaming of kids on rides), barking dogs and bagpipes in the background (we are in Nova Scotia or New Scotland) and here in my office I'm listening to my beloved CBC radio 1 and a special Canada Day show Sing for Your Song Canada (available as a podcast I think ... if you feel like listening to a bunch of Canadian favs Gordon Lightfoot, The Weakerthans, Neil etc...) hosted by groovy music guy Grant Lawrence ... I HEART CBC radio. So far it's been a perfect Canada Day. I'm hoping and praying for rain later in the day so that the fireworks will be canceled ... I'm bad.

and speaking of pipers ... heard on CBC yesterday doing their cover of Queen's - We Will Rock You !

4;15 pm - the music has begun, the twang of a down home country band on the stage in the park has my toes a tappin' (if you can't beat them you might as well join them) as I sit (still) at me desk, finishing up la project. I live so close to the park that I might as well be in the park, every window in this old brick house is open, it's sunny and hot and the festivities are goin' full tilt. And the smell of french fries and fried clams is nearly killing me. Smile.


window box

winnie

my girl Winnie

Do you notice that most of the pictures of Miss Winnie Dixon she's almost always looking away. Most often she appears to be looking off in the distance to some far away thought. I think it's her submissive and insecure nature - no eye contact, especially when that thing (my camera) is being pointed at her. Her personality is much like her mama's - fretting and worried, always just slightly on edge. She and I are two peas in a pod. It's interesting when you compare her photos to the many photos of my boy Jake, who upon saying his name would most often look right at me, directly in the eye. Confident and cocky, curious and sweet, always happy and totally carefree with a big ol' dash of a dog who adores his mama thrown in - he was the joy that lived in this house.

That's what I was thinking as I scuffed down the stairs this morning at 5am to pour my first cup of coffee. When we said goodbye to Jake we said goodbye to our joy. And I know in my heart that it will come back one day ... but as of yet ... there's still no sign of it.

Miss him.

peony splendour

still life with peonies

Freshness trembles beneath the surface of everyday,
a joy to all who catch its opal light beneath the dust of habit

Freya Stark - British travel writer 1893-1993

I found this lovely quote in this book. A book kindly sent to me by Anya and a book that's chock full of simple goodness. More photography crack/cocaine - from my dwindling stash of Polaroid film. I took 8 (out of the 10 in a pack) shots yesterday. 6 of this bouquet of peony splendour (the other 2 of my girl Winnie basking in a patch of sunlight). And oh the scent of peony's, much like roses, heady and wonderful. I have three different colours in my gardens. The palest pink - practically white, a deep rose magenta pink and the perfect middle, baby girl, pink. This lime green pitcher (although it looks more chartreuse in these photos) was purchased yesterday, along with a pale yellow scalloped mixing bowl with a cream interior, at a village yard sale. I know my friend Willow will approve of both these vintage finds.

bleetito

paper collage - Mon petite chat noire - Bleetito

Total change of pace this morning, well a visual change of pace at the very least. Lets lift those spirits up, way, waayyy up (and I'll call Rusty). With red and lime green and a kooky illustration of Bleet back when he still was a petite cat. This will be one of three prints available in my upcoming Etsy shop update. Along with a much larger group of photography prints I will also have three (to start) illustrated small poster prints. 8.5 x 11, suitable for framing, printed on heavy, brilliant white card weight stock, gorgeous saturated colour ... yada yada yada .... smile.

Yesterday was one of those mildly remarkable days here at the drawing desk at 29 Black Street. I mentioned earlier in the week that I was in between design assignments. No assigned projects on the drawing table for over a week ... Now usually this would start the creep of worry to grow and fester inside of me but with several fat invoices out there in the ether I have been reasonably relaxed about it all ... that and I've fallen somewhat under the spell of summer - this past week the weather has been spectacular. That said, part of being self employed, in my case anyway, is the constant need to be hustling up the next round of work. Hustling without pestering, so Thursday I put in a call to my pal Val at customer No Uno ... I left a voice mail message telling her I had some time and was willing to work up a few thumbnail drawings and did she have any specific themes that she might want me to work on ? (this company produces primarily photo frames). She called me back yesterday early and said Yes, how about Botanical as a theme ? Sometimes the ideas just miraculously come, out of my head down through my beloved red mechanical pencil and onto a blank sheet of tracing paper. Effortlessly and almost thought-lessly (in the good way). Yesterday was on of those days. A few thumbnails sketched out, scanned and sent. Fast forward to the end of the day and the details of a new assignment- 15 frames. That's 15 x my per frame drawing rate. As I said to Miss Dixon, who was in her usual spot in her bed under my desk Mama's gonna sleep tonight ... and that's after I told myself ... I Rock ! (at least I Rock occasionally) Wink.

Very tight deadline, all 15 drawings need to be finished, scanned and sent by end of day Monday. So I'll be here at my desk, happily drawing, all weekend ... which suits me just fine.

I'd like to say thanks to a few of my blogging friends whose comments and words continually boost my spirits and make me smile, and often make my day. It's the first thing that I do each morning as I sit with my coffee shortly after 5am. I read the comments from the day before. My New Zealand friend Pherenike, who often feels like a far away twin. Anya, Mary D. and Judy in Ky who've been here through the thick and the thin and it's been pretty thin at times. BumbleVee and J. - it seems that they've been with us from the beginning and we're not sure how they ever found us but we're sure glad they did. And new friends Willow for her daily constant words of encouragement. Mmm who catches up with us sporadically, and always leaves behind him a trail of kind comments. Erin from Design For Mankind who stopped by yesterday and being the designer gal that I am, her visit felt like a movie star had come to say hello. (Oh swoon). Pam in Adelaide - whose known the kind of love that I speak of V. who doesn't comment often but when she does her words remind me that I have kindred spirits, especially here in this world. And Austen, Patti, Paula, Yoli & Suzie Q ... thank you so much.

wider than the sky

my pack - Jake, Winnie & Em

My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh.
My love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky.
My love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change my love

Petula Clark

A perfect morning adventure with my pack of three captured forever on film. This is a repeat image on this blog and my most absolute favourite photograph. One that I tucked away in my journal while on design trips to far away lands - Hong Kong, Paris and Los Angeles while the sweeties waited together in our local boarding kennel for me to return home. I loved them and I missed them so much it felt as if I wouldn't live, without them. Every night, after days filled with the thrills of big city exhilaration and adventure, tucked in my heavenly hotel bed somewhere, I would count the number of sleeps until I would see them again. This photo was taken with an old fashioned film camera, the summer of 2003. I remember that day vividly, our early morning trip to the beach. With perfect golden warm sunshine. I think I took at least 36 exposures to get this one ... most perfect picture.

Hard steady rain and rumbling thunder, kittens on windowsills, bubbles and scent, a second mug of coffee and my pack of one, Winnie Dixon snoring softly in her bed under my desk - it's another early morning here at 29 Black Street.

sweet em

Emma Jane November 2006

I find this to be a haunting image, probably because I know she was nearing the end of her life. She turned 15 in early September of 2006, and we said goodbye to sweet Em late in December of that same year.

To love a dog and to be loved by a dog has to be one of the greatest gifts and to say goodbye, to let them go when their bodies and minds are failing them, is by far, the biggest sorrow that I'll ever know.

Coffee and cool breezes this morning. Sweet Oliver's happily watching the world outside my studio window from his pillow topped sill. The finches are chirping and chattering madly in the trees nearby and here we go again. Another new day ... and who knows it might just be the day that everything changes.

work in progress

reminds me of a Georgia O'Keefe painting - more oriental poppies

no matter how big or soft or warm your bed is,
you still have to get out of it

Grace Slick

Darn.

Kidding. Sort of. Chalk it up to just one of those weeks. There is a pattern here. I do not have an assigned design project on the go presently from either main customers. So ... I have time (the luxury of) this week to work on my own stuff ... big sigh. You remember, my Etsy shop - small illustrated prints and Polaroid photographs ... with an end of June deadline. Eek !

Why is it that I can be super creative, extremely motivated, always meticulous and extremely efficient with my time when I'm working for someone else ? I've talked to other creative designer friends who also suffer from this affliction. Phew ! I think it's basically a lack of parameters, when left to my own devices, a blank page in front of me, the world of choice at my fingertips I become paralyzed and spin my wheels in endless possibilities. Awaiting pure brilliance and creative perfection to appear.

When I'm working on an design assignment I'm always being art directed to some extent, which apparently I prefer. It's why, I'm sure, that I became a designer and left any thoughts of becoming an artist back in some painting studio lying there in front of a blank canvas, years ago at NSCAD (my alma mater).

I am beginning to see a direct correlation between my blue blahness and the lack of a current assigned design project. No busy deadline on my desk, only myself is counting on me. An ah ha moment ! To overcome this I have decided that everything that I work on I must consider to be a sketch ... so be prepared to see some of my sketches ... always a work in progress.

The closer you get to the lighthouse, the darker it gets.

Japanese Proverb

ships

the tugboat pulling a big ship into our little harbour

The tug pulls these big ships in backward, so that when that they're loaded up again at the big dock, they won't have to turn around in the narrow inner harbour to leave again. It's always exciting to see ships coming in, especially the bigger ships which are always accompanied by tugs. And at night, coming or leaving, from my studio window they look as if a well lit city block is gliding past. I'll often hear the hum of the engines before I ever see the ships and then the clanging long rattle sound as they drop the anchor entering the inner harbour.

Last night was prom night here in our little village and as Winnie & I took our evening stroll down into the park, it was filled with smiling teenagers and beaming parents. Poofs of dresses in every colour of the rainbow, handsome tuxedos and fancy rented cars lined the street waiting to squire young couples away. It's a tradition every year - before the dance the park fills up with pomp and circumstance and images of happy young couples, best girlfriends and class mates are captured forever in photos in this park. Last night was a perfect night - warm and sunny with a gentle breeze coming in off the harbour.

It's raining this morning. The air is balmy with not a whiff of wind and the rain is steady and coming straight down. A perfect day - as I climb back out of my most recent fall into the crevasse (perhaps a slight exaggeration but I do love that word) of blue & blahness. In the moment is where I'll be today ... as much as possible.


on a bench in the park watching the ship's arrival

monday

oriental poppies

sorrow is the child of too much joy

Chinese Proverb

Somehow over the weekend I went from simple summer contentedness to an almost desperately sad and worried frame of mind. Eckhart would tell me that my ego and my pain body were having another party in my head, and that's probably true - but unless you have the strength to boot them out they will wreak havoc with content and carefree. It happens like that sometimes, I'm just walking along, happily (or so it seems) humming a tune, and in an instant, the ground seems to give out beneath me. Things suddenly seem bleak, the air becomes filled with what ifs and lately, I am continually haunted by my boys last hours. At it's worst I feel like a crazy person and it makes me feel sick.

Yesterday afternoon, a beautiful hot & sunny day, I lay in my hammock in the back garden for hours on end. Under a big tree and with a gentle breeze, I stared up at the sky and watched the birds and I read a bit and napped - the only cure I could muster for this kind of illness.

And it always passes ... I think it's why I've always loved the beginning of the day, an early morning ... and another chance to start anew. A fresh cup of coffee, me and my eternal optimist, a new plan neatly penned on a clean page in my little red Moleskin journal and a hot bath, with bubbles and lavender, to wash away any remnants of yesterday.

14 more things (part 3)

cavallini love

This beautiful Cavallini card sat atop red tissue paper upon opening my latest 14 things parcel. This package came to me from Austen @ Stripey Pebble in Toronto.

14 things Part 3

1. a beachy thing - stripey pebbles from stripey pebble - beach stones return home to their much loved families here in Nova Scotia
2. a papery thing - Canadian Living July issue and a special recipe issue - she's a Copy Editor.
3. a thing that cost less than $1 - a sweet blue tin with a lid - a place to keep treasure
4. a red thing - a handmade red (my favourite colour) vinyl pencil case
5. something found in the back of a drawer - a strawberry huller, two more weeks ... 'til strawberry season
6. something starting with the first initial of your middle name - "B" a little bag of vintage buttons. smile
7. something that once was alive - a maple key, the twirling seed pod of our maple trees
8. a soft thing - lovely hand knit cotton face cloths in beautiful colours
9. a food item traditional to your area - treats from Ace Bakery (a haunt of mine when I lived in TO), little crisp crostini bread with raisins and cranberry.
10. something that delights you - McBloom's bath salts - I love the scent !
11. something that once was useful - a TTC (Toronto Transit Commission ticket) and a frequent buyer card from the Trident coffee & books shop in Halifax. Well stamped.
12. favourite candy/chocolate bar - Green & Black's organic 70% dark chocolate. yum !
13. favourite hand written recipe - Austen's best scones -perfect for my upcoming strawberry shortcake season - and now I have a strawberry huller too.
14. a tea bag of your favourite tea - a bag of each English & Irish breakfast teas ... and thoughts about a possible Canadian breakfast tea (very Orange Pekoe -ish I would think)


hey there's la beast rouge, in the background, hangin' outside her home


package contents - spread out on the grass in our back garden

Thanks Austen for another perfect and lovely 14 things parcel.

Happy Sunday.