opposites attract

belated birthday roses from Harry's garden

the key to change
is to let go of fear

Roseanne Cash

Uh Huh ! It's the letting go part I'm having a problem with. In fact I find myself clinging to, rather than releasing, any and all grips I may have had on my life and who I've decided I am - who I thought I was, who I've always wished to be, and even who I might want to become. I'm afraid to let go of fear. It's not a good spot to be in. I do realize that. In a pickle so to speak and I am trying to figure out how to become that easy going, c'est la vie kinda gal. Which reminds me (of course) ... of my dog. It's true ya know Every Thing really does remind me of that dog - Jake

Anyone who's ever known a retriever knows that their personality is affable in spades. When describing the breed it's often mentioned that their best quality can sometimes also be their worst - their extreme overabundance of exuberance - a puppy personality often until middle age and some people find this large bundle of joy just a bit too much. And this particular retriever Jake - from day 1 here at 29 Black Street was happy (always), crazy friendly to one and all (talk about your grand ice breaker) extremely out going, unflappable, up for anything, absolutely fearless Hey whatcha doin? Can I help ? Hey ! Are you goin' eat that ? and/or Hey! why dontcha throw that stick ? his most favourite sayings. He was 76 lbs of LOVE, comfort, happiness and Hey ! come on let's go have some some fun. He was the yin to my yang, my opposites attract, best ever, long term relationship. I fell, almost instantly, deeply and madly in love with my dog.

I guess in the time he's been gone (a year and a half) I've lost much of my own joie de vivre, I don't feel so kooky, and crazy, confident or outgoing and I know that I never feel that deep exuberant, unconditional and constant love, that medicine for my soul. Miss D just doesn't know how to be that way, she's been damaged too. Many people find strength from their relationships, from family, children, husbands and partners - Jake, over 12 years, became my family. It's why I keep talking about him, why I can't seem to move on without him because he gave me so much strength. Strength I always believed was mine ... but come to find out, it seems he took it with him.

I'm sorry I'm drifting a bit with my thoughts this morning, drifting out to sea on some speeding current. On a raft of big, often confusing thoughts. Thoughts of Change, of real Love, Fear and of the great comfort offered by matching neurosis.

16 things

laying in the grass at the edge of the ocean every evening with my girl Miss D

16 random things that I love about summer -
inspired by a recent post From the House of Edward

the songbirds, especially in the early morning, they seem to love our petite jungle patch • having all the windows open - all the time • summer rain and thunder storms • strawberries, raspberries & blueberries • the giant display of summer paraphernalia just inside the door of our grocery store - beach balls, blow up rafts & tubes, giant gaudy colourful beach towels and sand castle building kits with shovels, decorative moulds, scoops and a pail • the farmers market each Saturday morning • going barefoot • not having the furnace on and no heating costs • how the harbour shimmers in the evening when the sun is low again in the sky • ice cream cones shared with Oliver and sometimes with Miss D who is an unusually finicky eater • laying in the back yard on the grass visiting with Bleet - who twirls and rubs, purrs madly, deeply and chirps at me, he's always so thrilled that I've come outside to sit a spell in a big patch of sun with him. Ernst & Lulu both loved that too • the smell of old fashioned Coppertone sun protection • the flowers ... oh my the flowers and blooms are everywhere • the colour green - and every imaginable shade of green, lushness abounds • hanging all the washing out on the line and then sleeping in a nest that smells and feels like summer • the amazing abundance of insects - from teeny tiny to large and winged or crawling, to observe and investigate - somehow always putting life in perspective, if only for a moment.

and 17. my own freckles - I've always loved freckles

What things do you love most about summer ?

total eclipse

Winnie D. lying on my black painted studio/office floors yesterday afternoon

Hey all you Cancer gals, MLou, Judy and J in Kentucky, just to name a few - read this and get ready 'cause we're goin' be blastin' off come Tuesday.

Not only is the Sun in Cancer, kicking off your solar new year, but on July 21st, a total eclipse falls in Cancer, dropping you squarely into a new reality. This is one of two eclipses this month, and since you’re ruled by the moon, their effect is multiplied. Life as you know it will not be the same, because the powerful eclipse blasts you onto your true path between now and the Cancer full moon (a lunar eclipse) on December 31st.

I'm ready ... are you ?

scenarios A, B & C

Missy Dee Dee D

My beautiful best girlfriend Miss Winnie Dixon

We've been thinking an awful lot about another dog lately. Truthfully it's a bit of an obsession. I haunt my local shelter's web site daily, I check both the Nova Scotia lab and golden rescue sites nearly daily and I've even emailed a breeder in Ontario who is expecting little red goldens at the end of this month. Miniature Jake dogs - a puppy, especially a red puppy I think would do much to heal this broken heart. These puppies would be ready to take home at the beginning of September. I would have to fly (or take the train) to Toronto to pick up my tiny red boy. The cost of the puppy and the travel arrangements (not to mention special food, increased vet appointments, and all necessary puppy accouterments) would be money I don't really have and if I did have - I should be spending elsewhere. And then I think of the value I would get for that money spent - how my spirit and heart would finally begin to heal from nurturing and loving this new little creature who needs and loves me ... and I very easily rationalize the cost away.

A flip side to this particular coin however is - I don't believe in buying a dog - in theory only apparently - I don't believe in it. There are so many dogs, wonderful, amazing dogs just like Miss D waiting in shelters for someone like me to take them home - dogs who need homes - if only they had a red fur costume that they could wear just until I fell in love with them ... which I know from past experience wouldn't take long. Never say never I guess. Suddenly it's not hard for me to rationalize this long standing belief away either. I tell myself, sometimes in life you just have to do what you know in your heart will make you feel better.

I miss Jake - I miss that dog, I am trying to replace him. I still long for him or a very close reasonable facsimile of him which I know is silly. I do know that I can't have another Jake - but try and tell that to my heart. Miss D misses him too and I know another dog would be really good for her as well. My girl's very much a dog's dog. She needs a pack.

We'll keep thinkin' about it. We'll mull & ruminate, we're very good at that. We'll weigh our options and choices and we'll consult with our best friend and advisor.

cake

it's still strawberry season

I love strawberries and I especially love strawberry shortcake. A few weeks ago I brought home my first quart of fresh local berries and immediately grabbed my Baking with Julia tomb (the companion book to a most excellent PBS series with Julia Child and guest chefs) from the cookbook bookcase in my kitchen and turned easily to the dog eared and well worn Baking Powder Biscuit recipe page - the only biscuit recipe I'll ever need.

This year, although I did enjoy my strawberry shortcake with biscuits fresh from the oven with gently sweetened whipped cream to which a smidge of vanilla extract had been added ... I kept thinking of cake. Of real cake. Of something softer, a pillow for my berries and cream. Somehow the biscuits just made this dessert feel heavy to me. I began dreaming of something lighter to pile my strawberries and cream on top of (and later in the summer blueberries and then fresh peaches - sigh). Angel food cake could be a delicious option, and the thoughts of concocting a real British sponge cake were bandying around in my brain and then very recently Smitten Kitchen (another daily blog haunt of mine) posted this recipe for Perfect & Best Golden Cake - Ah Hah ! I thought to myself. I halved the recipe (and have great plans to try halving it again - creating a small 1 egg golden cake for two - or for one as it may be 'cause sometimes a girl's just gotta have a bit of cake). It's a very easy cake recipe and delicious. I baked my cake in a 9 inch square glass pan at 350 for nearly an hour.

It was the perfect pillow ... still a tiny bit warm from the oven with a big scoop of berries and a generous dollop of whipped cream. I may still try a sponge cake recipe as well, as I continue on my quest for the perfect small cake recipe.

We had a furious thunder and lightening storm in the middle of the night last night and rain poured down heavily in sheets. 1000, 20 - CRACK !!! like a great explosion. (The counting 1000, 2000, 3000 gives you an indication of how far away a storm is - each count of a thousand, or a second passing is equal to 1 mile and an equation I've spoken out loud, since childhood, at the first sounds of thunder) I would say this storm was practically overhead which rarely ever happens. I loved it (Miss D would beg to differ). We all stayed tucked in our respective nests and marveled at the power (and the glory) of nature.

Happy Saturday.



strawberry shortcake with Julia Child's foolproof baking powder biscuits

cat (like a dog)

handsome and serious


thoughtful and kind
sweet and affectionate
athletic and energetic
relaxed and fastidious
curious and enthusiastic
the list just goes on ...

Oliver's gotta big ol' crush on a sweet young feline from across the pond (as we say here in Canada). Miss Millie with the dark nose and tres expressive face lives in far, far away Newcastle On Tyne. OliVer has hopes that they might one day be pen pals and that this short photo essay of his handsome and tres photogenic self might encourage Millie to look up his profile on Catch.com

Wouldn't they make a perfect couple. More on handsome sweet Oliver here

every little thing

a dog, his sticks, high tide and water as still as pebbled glass - retriever heaven

Mama's been toolin' around in the iphoto archives once again, and thinking about my big red boy 'cause every little thing still reminds me of my dog, of that dog - my hero dog, my great big love dog. Jake. A large version of this first photo hangs on my kitchen wall. I made a calender for myself of photos of Jake and this particular photo goes with October - I love the image so much that my calender has been perpetually turned ahead to October, and has been for a very long time. I must get this image framed - it is the ultimate portrait of a retriever in paradise. Wet and dripping, his newly shorn summer I'm always in the water hair cut, happy and satisfied and just waiting patiently ... for that next stick to be launched.

This is, would be, his season - the height of summer and full on Stick Fetchin' in Deep Water Season - his Raison D'etre. My boy was a multi stick fetcher - never one stick would do, always two or three Please, he loved the challenge of gathering them all and bringing them back to me - retrieving - so I might throw them again, Please ?!? Oh and we think about our golden girl Emma Jane Louise too - we miss our pack Miss D and I, we think about Jake & Em everyday.

And speaking of Every Thing Reminds Me of My Dog - thank you to Rachel over at Raenovate who recently purchase our cut paper collage piece for her boyfriend (who also finds that Every little Thing reminds him of their dog) and she's featured my collage on her blog. I think it's so cool that the sweet Noodle dog lives on, hanging matted & framed on walls in homes in other parts of the world, making other people smile and reminding them always that dogs = love.

I love the look on his face in the next photo, the deep concentration and imploring of me Hey ! Are ya gonna throw that again ??

let's go

oh those floors ...

Monday 5:05 pm and just home from my 7 hour shift at the little gift & home decor store, I dropped my things just inside the door and readied myself for the near hysterical twirls and spins and mad sweet kisses from my girl Winnie Dixon who is beside herself with relief and gladness. Wow ! what a welcome.

I say Hey ! Missy D Let's getta goin' and she's says (always) Uh Huh ! Let's Go !!

Have already made la list for today and it's a long one. Lots of little household chores, a few errands and organization and tidying up of both my messy desk tops (teak topped and imac). My computer's desk top can get so out of control, completely filled with photos and documents that all need to be sorted through, filed or deleted and then there are my 3 email folders to go through - more sorting, filing and deleting. Both jobs often put off for far too long yet so incredibly satisfying when done.

Am planning an upcoming show and sale of my things at this fantastic shop in the city - exact date to come - tres exciting.

we heart 80's hits

joy

we call these pinks

they grow everywhere - huge expansive carpets of pink blossoms and yesterday while on a sunny July late afternoon walk with my girl Miss D, these pinks were completely covered with buzzing bees

joy and sorrow are inseparable. . .
together they come
and when one sits alone with you . . .
remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Kahlil Gibran

2 years

more oriental poppies from those abundant iphoto archives

Most people treat the present moment
as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome.
Since the present moment is Life itself,
it is an insane way to live.

Eckhart Tolle

Ache & Sadness feed on the past. Anxiety, Fret & Worry are fueled by the future. This motley gang of thugs that hang out in my head, far too much of the time are all afraid of the present. Like garlic and daylight to vampires - the present makes them disappear - in a flash. Why then, is it so hard to keep yourself there ? ...
living in the moment and in the present.

Today is the two year anniversary of this blog. Two years of my life documented in photos and words. Two years of days and moments, plenty of Ache & Sadness, Worry & Fret and plenty also of simple joy, daily treasures and the biggest love I've ever known. When I read back it seems as if someone else has been writing here ... who is that girl ? that woman ? I wonder. I often don't recognize her and then feeling surprised and pleased I realize - it is me.

I had great plans for a 2 year anniversary give away - more beach treasure packets and a grand prize (wink) of one of M. Invincible's designs - a photo frame. Stay tuned for a belated, 2 year somethin' somethin' very soon.

The big fat black velvet chiclet has just arrived here atop the teak topped desk with his mad, loud rattly purrs so I'll pause here - there is a Bleetness who must be adored. Thank you for all the sweet comments that often are a reminder to me, that I do spend at least some of my time ... living in the moments.

saturday goodness

perfect fringed purple poppies - a favourite if mine

a long early morning walk on the beach with Winnie Dixon • a quick trip to the grocery store, before all the mad busyness of Saturday summer people weekend shopping erupts. Beach cover ups and flip flops and carts laden with cottage food • bedding stripped from the nest with the most excellent help of kittens Gussie & Oliver • loads of laundry done and hung out on the line to dry • dishes done and sweeping of stunning new chocolate floors • hamburger patties made to grill later on my little red charcoal BBQ • Deb & Maggy Sue (Winnie's best girlfriend and golden retriever) arrive with belated birthday wishes, smiles and wags • we sat for a bit in my new living room and oohed and ahhed at the gorgeousness of it all • then off to the park for ice cream cones (dark chocolate shiver & peanut butter fudge crunch in a waffle cone - go big or stay home another of this girl's favourite mottos) we all sat for a spell on a bench in the sun overlooking our sparkling harbour • in the park we were introduced to a very handsome 12 year old retriever named Brody, Miss D boldly rushed up and gave him a kiss on the lips and both our hearts ached a little, he reminded us so much of our big red dog and best friend - Jake • another long walk along the harbours edge and down onto the crescent beach where Maggie Sue and Miss D splashed and played in the water • home to 29 Black and goodbyes out at the curb to our friends who are off on a 12 day camping trip • a very tiny bit of drawing (sigh) at the teak topped desk, followed by an hour laying on the bed in the guest room in a big patch of sunlight with a warm breeze blowing in over me - just laying there, thinking of nothing, nothing but summer • up again and puttering and lighting the BBQ, bringing laundry in from the line in a big wicker basket, holding each pillow case up to my face for a moment and breathing in deeply that perfect scent of sun and wind and freshness before folding and smoothing each one • later a lovely long telephone chat with my favourite nephew Michael • and finally to bed with my book, crawling into heavenly white cotton sheets crisp and clean and smelling perfectly of a summer's day.

goodness

working today at the little gift & home decor store - my summer shift is every second week I'll work a Sunday afternoon & all day Monday

morning

on the grassy path above the crescent beach ...

Missy D by my side, one early morning this week

Morning is my favourite time of day. Anything & everything is possible. Morning is hope. Morning is unfettered possibility, satisfaction and happiness. Morning, especially early morning, always feels peaceful and filled with endless promise ...

vantage

assorted blooming from our front porch

pink clouds in a fresh pale blue sky
a second cup of coffee tucked into the nest of down & flannel
cool breezes blowing in open windows
hot face cloths and scented bubbles
a newly tidied desk
anticipating our walk on the beach and the tide is low
cats curled up and sleeping on wide window sills
leaves rustle softly in the wind
crows caw in our garden
another brand new day ... is just beginning