around the next corner

Thursday, December 27, 2007

our beach Christmas 2005

taken at the top of the small red clay cliff, out on the point of land that juts into the harbour, where the lighthouse is. Oliver's sitting here in his little Buddha fashion on my desk, I'm listening to radio Prague, my bath is pouring and I'm enjoying my first cup of coffee.

I was thinking yesterday about how different this Christmas season has been and has felt and remembering that the last two Decembers I was dealing with the slow but steady decline of two of my elderly pets. First in 2005 it was wise Ernst, tabby cat extraordinaire and then last December Emma Jane, my beautiful golden girl. The last two Decembers were months of aching sadness, sleepless nights, and feeling very alone with my grief. A month spent gradually mustering the courage and strength to make the ultimate decision to end a life. The most difficult decision I'll ever make. I said goodbye to Ernst on December 31st and then Emma on December 22 the following year. Christmas an already sad & lonely time had been tainted.

So this Christmas, by comparison, has been amazingly light, cheery - a breeze. Leading up to last Christmas I felt desperate with despair, I felt lonely and sorry for myself. I had no one to give me a hug, to kiss my forehead and tell me things would be OK. I felt tired and exhausted from being alone, of having to deal with everything always by myself. This year thankfully, one year later, my life feels completely different. My business is flourishing, my brood of pets -my family, are all happy and healthy and my independent and self reliant spirit is back in full strength. I mostly feel hopeful and optimistic, and when I don't, I try and remind myself that the one thing that I've really learned these last few years of my life is ... that you just never know what's around the next corner in life. And in my life, lately, good things have often been just around the next corner.

There's a big winter storm a brewing here, a forecast of 25 cms of snow beginning after lunch today.

Em and Carol Christmas 2005

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