a delicate subject

Thursday, February 12, 2009

who me ?

Sweetest, most excellent design assistant & miniature red golden retriever - Oliver

Also Mr. Oh! Oh ! I think I'm going to be sick. Quick let me run over to the rug or hop up on an upholstered chair. Sigh. Cat puke 'tis today's delicate subject from More Life with Cats.

Warning - this post is not for the faint of heart or the squeamish.

An excerpt from the much lauded* Essential Cat Rules - Chapter 13 - Illness.
* A must read for all cats and the humans who share a home with them.

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the humans bare foot.

When you get sick in the house, you should hover around the general area until a human spots the mess. You should act as if you are guarding the stuff for the human and then quickly vacate the room.

If taken outside, you should take every opportunity to scarf down as much grass as possible (while not being spotted). After ingesting a "critical mass" amount, whine and scratch at the door to be let back in the house. After entering the house head for the traditional illness locations and let it rip.

If the urge strikes at night when your human is asleep, you can retch as loudly as possible so that the human will wake up. That failing, choose a location where the human's bare foot is likely to find it. They don't see very well in the morning and need assistance in locating the mess. If the human has neglected you by leaving, cover the fruits of your labors with whatever is handy, such as papers from the desk. That way you can soil another object besides the carpet.

I've done some research (of course) and I think it's because Oliver eats too fast and it's actually more of a regurge (cat lover term) than a puke. And sometimes it's a kind of combo hairball and barely digested kitten kibble - my Ver's a grooming nut not only does he groom himself fastidiously but he takes care of all of the L'il Man's grooming needs as well - which is tres sweet to watch. When he's about to throw up he always makes that distinct frightening sounding, yowly, drawn out meow that alerts me that it is coming and that's not so bad. It's gross yes, but a big wad of sudsy wet paper towel and we're good to go. What's a drag is when you come across these eruptions, sometimes a day later, when I've been busy at the teak topped desk and didn't hear the warning signs - only to find a waterfall of dried cat barf on the arm of my cushy living room chair spilling down the side and into the crack between the chair and the cushion. Thanks Ver.

or on your freshly made, a day ago, bed. Yuck.

or on a pile of neatly folded laundry just in from the clothesline. Gross.

Here's another gem from More Life with Cats - How to Give a Cat a Pill - please do not drink beverages while reading this. I once (thankfully only once) had to give the big fat Nessie cat a pill. One small pill. When it was all said and done I felt as if I'd been wrestling with an angry cougar.


  1. That is so funny and how true it is. Once I had to give a cat a round of antibotics (3 pills total) for an eye infection. First pill was rough, but the second and third were nearly impossible. I'm sure it would have been comical to watch.

  2. My three cats have read that same rule book and they follow those rules to the letter. My bare feet have found many a "gift" in the dark. Katie's favorite place to leave them is on any white, lacy linen that I happen to have on my dining room table.

    I have never been able to give Katie a pill. My vet's office liquifies them and puts them in an eyedropper so I can just shoot it into her mouth quickly. Of course they charge extra to do this, but it's worth it.

  3. hahahahha.... cats.. after looking at sweet Oliver's perfect picture..(hey an alliteration)... lol... I always think I need a cat. But, then, I think of things like this, and having had cats know every word to be true. It does kind of put a slight dent in the wonderment of them....
    My sister has one that does it waaaay too regularly and it just makes a person think twice.... 'specially when you haven't had animals for years and have managed to accumulate some kind of nice fabric-y things....... probably a good thing my guy has allergies and we likely will never have one....I'll look at Oliver and kid myself that he is purrfect..... never does that ...same as I do with Vikki's Tiffany...

    Have you seen a hilarious little book on How to Give your cat a Massage? Being a massage therapist makes it even funnier.... it is very short and filled with big cute pictures...

  4. Well, as a dog person only, all I can say is eewwwww. Do they do this often?? Apple did eat a pencil once when she was a puppy and, gratefully, threw that up.

  5. OMG...you made me laugh so hard...I needed that..I had Bonnie & cLYDE FOR OVER 20 YEARS..I relate..

  6. Oliver is a beauty. Our Thomas is also well versed in barf rules. The problem is my panic, grab the cat and toss in the bathtub. This has to be comical to watch and is very unnerving for Thomas who forgets what he was doing before the grab, run and drop.

  7. I try to make it's ONLY on the carpet, although if I can get the retching cat to linoleum, so much the better.

  8. haha...funny!I love cats...wish I weren't allergic to them. Love on Olly for me!! :)


    Much love to you and the furry gang! xo

  9. drawing, drawing, drawing ...
    so what's new?

    Merci for all the tres funny comments. It is a funny subject isn't it and one we cat lover's know all about. I have a friend who's big white cat Bella prefers to jump up on the dining room table in search of a placemat or table runner to deposit her gifts. Don't you love Katie and her choice of white lace linen for her barf target - that's lovely Judy. And yes, sigh, nicey fabric things are the No. 1# choice of picky cats who need to puke. I did chuckle thinking of poor Thomas being yanked into the bathtub mid retch - unnerving to say the least and yes Pamela the dog lover in me also says eeewwwwwwww ! but it's Oliver, the golden one - the chosen one. 99.8% absolute feline perfection ... I guess I'll have to tolerate his tendency toward the regurge. Wink.

    drawing, drawing, drawing.

  10. I´m sorry to laugh but I guess I´m not faint at heart. I know exactly what you mean...but it can be worse. What if your cats get in to a territory war and they decide that whomever pees there first, owns the spot? What to do if it´s on your yoga mat and the class you teach might smell a little whiff with the incense? I do have a Yoga Cat book, actually I bought it for my daughteer, but this is too much! No cat wars over the mat! Do you know how hard it is to remove cat pee smell?

    I enjoyed your post! Could you stop by Oasis and read a bit of praise to your clever artistic self? <3

  11. Sweet Susan.....Cats will be Cats
    and Dogs will be Dogs but after raising three Humans.........
    The Cat TC and Dogs Sadie and Jake
    aren't near the trouble!
    Come by the Porch and see The Three Musketeers yourself !

  12. So, so funny and oh so true. And giving meds to a cat? Ah, no one has lived until they try!



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