petunias, pansies & puppies

Nessie (Bleet) happily hanging out on our front porch

A porch full of annuals to plant in pots and baskets and around trees and on back yard forest graves of Ernst and Emma Jane Louise. My weekend zoomed by and seemed unusually filled with contented busyness and goodness. I made great progress in beginning the taming of my backyard jungle. I lugged branches, and hauled big bags of compost and soil and bark. I dug and yanked and I pushed La Red Beast around and she and I mowed lovely paths into my forest. I was bitten, and bruised and thorned and stung (Nettles) and I got incredibly dirty and honestly it was all fantastic. Secretly - I had a ball and I can't wait until this evening to get back out there again. This morning I feel achy and sore in spots and even that feels great.

I went with my friend Carol to see puppies, she's finally getting a dog 4 years after her last canine heartbreak - saying goodbye, very suddenly, to her cancer stricken corgi named Friday. Her new puppy is just 5 weeks old today, his name will be Lucas (Luke for short). The father is a beautiful English Setter and the Mom a Springer Spaniel.


sleepy Luke in Carol's arms


brother Boo - the puppy that I was considering bringing home

After a weekend of incredibly intense rumination on the big puppy decision I have come to the conclusion that 29 Black Street, for now, will be a one dog household. Soon when we walk at the beach on the weekends we'll be three women and three dogs - we'll each have 1 dog - perfect. I have a house full of family now with my 4 cats and my one Winnie Dixon - I feel like that's all the love I can handle right now. As you know I'm still missing my boy Jake and am not really even close to getting used to our life without him in it. I'm not even sure why getting another dog has seemed like such an urgent need (not only by me but by others who know me well). I guess having three dogs for such a long time, and taking them everywhere with me, my pack became a part of my persona - Oh there goes Susan and her dogs. I'm realizing that that chapter is over and I'm on to a new, and ever unfolding, chapter in my life.



My elderly neighbour Jean and I went to the ice cream parlour at the end of our street in the afternoon. One of the many things she and I share in common is a wicked sweet tooth and we both especially love ice cream. She had a milkshake and I had a double scoop of hard ice cream, 2 different flavours dipped in chocolate and we sat on a bench in the park by the harbours edge and talked. It was warm and breezy, I was covered with dirt and melted sticky ice cream drips, and an absolutely perfect Sunday afternoon.

la lobster roll

la (cooked by someone else) lobster

Last weekend the local volunteer fire department had their annual surf and turf barbecue dinner & dance. No I didn't go ! For those of you who have clued in to the fact that I have barely any social life, fortunately that suits me just fine as I'm as happy as a reclusive clam (in the social department anyway - wink). The girls that I walk with on weekend mornings at the beach did both go to this event. And it happens that the husband of Debbie, (mother of Maggy Sue a golden retriever and best girl friend of Winnie Dixon) does not like lobster. I had been lamenting on our walks, since the beginning of lobster season - May 1st - my desire to have a lobster roll. Thus far I'd been too cheap to order one in our local and seasonal (famous for seafood) restaurant. At $10. a pop, my frugal girl mind is always thinking well if I went to the lobster pound myself, I could get a can of cold pack (frozen lobster meat) for $20. and make 4 lobster rolls, plus making them myself I'd know they were prepared just perfectly - the way I remember them from my childhood.

Last Sunday morning Debbie gave me a whole lobster, left over from the soirée the night before. How sweet was that. Red gold in these parts.

The key ingredients to any good lobster roll are mayonnaise (never salad dressing) and a buttered white bread hot dog bun and it must be the kind with crust less sides. Because you butter these bready sides and grill each side in a frying pan - so the outside of the bun becomes crispy, browned and buttery like the outside of a grilled cheese sandwich while the inside stays steamy and soft.

Last weekend the grocery store was completely sold out of this particular type of hot dog bun. So I cleaned my lobster with the help of Bleet (he's always been a connoisseur of fine and expensive seafood) and put my treasure into the freezer to await the perfect buns. Yesterday morning I came home with a squishy 12 pack of the good buns and late in the afternoon, after hours of tearing and lugging and mowing and hacking away at my backyard jungle, I enjoyed my perfect lobster roll accompanied by a tall mason jar filled with ice tea with a big wedge of lemon. And I savoured every delicious bite.



lobster roll
lobster
buttered and grilled hot dog bun
mayonnaise
smidge of Dijon mustard (because I'm on a bit of Dijon kick at the moment)
pepper
garlic chives from the garden

without a plan

Miss Dixon happily posing for the photographer

There's a cool breeze blowing in my office window this morning, coming from the harbour and the sky is dark and stormy looking. It looks and feels like rain is in the air. My hot bath with lavender and bubbles awaits me and my second cup of coffee sits here beside me in my lovely big favourite Starbucks mug.

I have an almost free weekend this weekend. One little bit of design work to finish up, pas de television (my cable TV has finally been disconnected rendering 29 Black Street completely channel less - phew !) and a house and garden filled with potential projects. I have a week left to gather and create things for my next 14 things swap which must be mailed off to sunny California on the 14th. I can very easily become overwhelmed by possibilities with two days ahead of me and nothing but choices when it comes to deciding how I will fill up my time. Not having a spontaneous bone in my body I always feel like I must always have a plan and a detailed to-do list to accompany the plan (even though I most often become desperately sidetracked and veer far off the beaten plan I feel comforted by starting with some direction and purpose) - a tad compulsive n'est pas ? Smile.

So plan-less, as of yet, I will have my bath (an excellent venue to ponder the plan). Les chats are happy and fed, the Bleetness is out prowling around in the garden and Miss Dixon's asleep in her bed waiting for me to become ready ... and another weekend lies in wait.

9:15 am - came home from an extra long Saturdy morning beach walk to find the body of the baby crow lying in a patch of forget-me-nots very near my front door. It wasn't there when we left at 7 am. It's very sad, those poor parents who have raised and nurtured their baby and have been swooping and squawking and anxiously flitting from branch to branch constantly since earlier this week when the baby tumbled from the nest high atop our front garden pine tree. I'm hoping that Lulu and Bleet had nothing to do with this misfortune (this neighbourhood has many cats, and many stray, thin and young - as opposed to my fat Bleet and my old Lulu) ... I know this is nature ... but it's still sad.

on sadness

really big love

I sit at my big new teak topped desk every day and draw while listening to the radio. I listen to CBC, talk radio (the Canadian equivalent to NPR) and it's my lifeline. Last week I heard an excellent piece on sadness and our society's current intolerance of that particular emotion. I'm quite sure the interview was on Q with Gian Ghomeshi.

The point made by the two guest authors being - sadness is normal - even big deep sadness. Sorrow is a natural human emotion. In no way were either authors discounting the existence of serious clinical depression they're simply making the case that too often sadness, feeling blue or melancholy, is treated as if it were depression.

And trust me, as someone who has had a blanket of sadness wrapped around me my whole life (mind you, for the most part, an invisible and secret blanket) I have pondered this sadness vs depression question endlessly. Sadness just isn't tolerated or welcomed in our day to day life and even when it is allowed it's expected to be rushed through. Growing up one of my most vivid childhood memories is being told Oh crocodile tears again Susan - I do know now that there isn't any such thing as a crocodile tear. Tears have a purpose. I've had this tendency toward sadness my whole life, but with everything around you telling you that it's bad or not normal you do begin to question yourself. People don't want you with your sadness. It's a stiff upper lip world, and pull those darn socks up. ... So you learn, in my case very early on, to pretend to be happy when you're really feeling sad.

As I listened to Eric G. Wilson author of Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy (you can listen to him here) describe his life long tendency to be pensive & brooding I felt like thumping my fist on my desk and cheering ... Right On ! Eric I thought to myself.

"it is inauthentic and shallow, to relentlessly seek happiness in a world full of tragedy"

and I would add ... perhaps ... steeped in denial. And that's OK . I do believe ignorance is truly bliss and probably most of the time - I just can't seem to get the hang of it myself. Sometimes I even admire a person's ability to push things out of their minds .. to choose to just not think about things ... but that just doesn't feel natural to me. But hey, if that's how one chooses to go through life, that's totally fine by me. But just let me and my sadness be ...

Another book recently published is written by Allen V. Horwitz and Jerome C. Wakefield The Loss of Sadness: How Psychiatry Transformed Normal Sorrow into Depressive Order (and these two guys are well respected academics in the mental health profession) ... more table thumping and yee heeing (in my head) and told you so's on my part. After years and years of having it suggested to me, from time to time, that perhaps I was depressed (and me all the while feeling quite sure that I wasn't) I feel very relieved by the mere existence of these books and I guess I also feel somewhat vindicated (I haven't read them yet, but have them both on order).

Two more articles on the subject if you're interested here & here

Why I am so sad, why do I think and feel things that often others around me seem oblivious to? Maybe I finally have the answer ... smile

Lulu update - Miss Lulu's teeth, it turns out, are in excellent condition (the grinding could be from arthritic pain or possibly from feeling nauseous -symptoms of her CRF) - our vet thought overall that she was amazingly healthy for her ripe old age of nearly 18. No extractions and no anesthesia which I was thrilled about. We came home with some Meticam (an anti-inflammatory) and some special low protein food - easier for her kidneys to process. She's once again ensconced on her pillow in her white wicker chair on our front porch waiting to terrorize the Toms.

lulu

madam lulu

Miss Lulu, otherwise affectionately known as Squawkamole (rhymes with guacamole) because of her tendency to yell ... she's never really meowed or mewed, she always squawks - loudly and gratingly. Miss Lulu is nearly 18. I guess I must be doing something right as my family of animals do seem to live healthy and long lives. She is suffering from CRF (chronic renal failure) pretty normal for a cat of her age. Lately she's been grinding her teeth on one side. She doesn't appear to be in pain as much as it's just irritating to her. She has a voracious appetite, is still jumping up on things and across vast open spaces in an acrobatic and often aerobic manner and she can daily be found putting the run to the neighbourhood cats. Her favourite method is the silent but deadly, creep along behind them in slow motion (and it totally freaks them out) all the while giving them the penetrating evil eye - like she's stalking them - which I guess she is. It's a scream to watch and all these cats (all boys), are terribly intimidated by her.

She spends her days lounging in her white wicker chair on our porch, occasionally getting up to do a prowl around the garden to make sure there are no strangers lurking about in her vast Queendom. She loves being outside ... and I love it, that she loves it, because if she was inside (as in the winter months) when she's not napping she's prowling into my office to sit beside me and yell at me. Sometimes she's hungry, she does love a few fresh teaspoons of Fancy Food (Tuscan Shrimp with Florentine Spinach bits and the like) every 15 mins or so. But I swear often she's yelling at me just for the hell of it. Her constant yelling and squawking can and does get on my delicate nerves. But I do love her ...

She sleeps curled up in on a ball on my bed, up near my head, every night. If I were to wake up in the night and not find her there, I would be concerned. All is not right in our world if Lulu"s not on the bed. She's very affectionate, gentle, absolutely fearless, strong and independent, feisty and very senior.

I want her to have another healthy and happy summer so we're off to the vet to see what's up with her mouth. After doing considerable research myself on the internet I found that teeth grinding can be a symptom of Chronic Renal Failure ... go figure. I'm thankful that she's not having any of the more serious and debilitating symptoms like loss of appetite and dehydration. Since we're in town I'll make a quick stop at La Superstore for groceries that I can't buy here and the J & P Farm store to fill up my back wagon with bags of kitty litter ( I go through a lot) and giant bags of black oiled sunflower seeds and nyjer seeds for our birds.

and ... it's raining again today .... Smile.

a rainy day

stormy skies at the lighthouse beach

From my wide open office windows I can hear seagulls and lobster boats leaving our little harbour and the sound of the gentle falling rain - the kind that falls straight down for there is no wind this early Wednesday morning and the air is warm and balmy. Every window in the house is wide open - I love that.

I had a windfall a few years back, a windfall in US$ and back in the day when the American dollar was worth 50% more than our dollar. I was smart with that money and I replaced every window in this big old brick house with big beautiful double pane, energy efficient, easy to open and easy to clean windows. All 22 of them.

My life has felt content and filled with busyness lately (the good kind of busy). Lots of assigned design projects my from my two main customers, bits of yard and garden and home reno projects on the go, and dreaming and scheming up my own creative ventures while sitting happily in front of my new 24" imac beast and at my lovely new teak topped desk with all it's drawers and cubby holes and it's large expansive work space that I can spread myself out on. Sigh. I love working in my newly painted and oh so organized and tidy office. Winnie tucked in her bed in her cave at my feet. Oliver & Gussie draped together, in a knot of calico and tabby, on their pillow in the big wide windowsill. Bleet prowling around outside in the garden upsetting the birds, and my old gal Lulu guarding the front door and napping in her pillow topped white wicker chair that sits on our front porch.

Things are quiet and simple here at 29 Black street this week ... and I always love a rainy day ... I am a rainy day.

fledge

ticklesticks

These beautifully coloured jelly candies (a new favourite thing) on a stick are from a company called ticklesticks. BFF Harry sells them at his little gift and home decor store which I must pass on my way to the post office each day. Beautiful colours and shapes plus they're quite yummy, tart and chewy ...

Big excitement outside my office windows yesterday. A fledgling crow had tumbled (I'm assuming) from his nest at the tip top of my big pine tree in the front garden (about 15 feet from my window). Big fat Bleet was outside prowling around and the parents were frantic. Rushing from branch to branch and squawking at the Bleetness who appeared to be quite disinterested. Baby crows are quite large and it seems Bleet's big time hunting days are behind him. Thankfully.

I went out and retrieved Bleet who appeared quite content to be removed from all the ruckus and the parents immediately seemed very relieved. Once the Nessie was sequestered safe in the house I went back out into the garden to check around for a baby bird and sure enough at the base of my pine tree a big black baby crow. They're huge - bigger than a fat full grown robin. He was just sitting there. When I checked on him a few hours later he was gone and so were the parents ...

Any bird site will tell you to leave the fledglings alone, don't touch them or move them unless you are absolutely sure that the birds are in imminent danger or are injured from the tumble from their nest. This is all part of growing up, sometimes they stay on the ground a few days, parents hovering near by and caring for them until they get their wings going. The crows seem to be calm and quiet this morning so I'm hoping all is well with the family of crows that lives here, in the big pine tree, at 29 Black Street.

best girlfriend

Miss Dixon on an afternoon stroll at our beach

A few photos of my best girlfriend and constant companion - Winnie Dixon taken at various points along our afternoon walks.

Another perfect day, yesterday. Sunny and very warm and I puttered in the back garden all day. Planted Sweet 100 cherry tomato plants, moved a few things, I weeded and dug , planted a big clump of sweet pea seeds, added manure and compost and peat moss to little beds, I drank ice tea and watched the birds. Winnie worked a bit on her "big dig" excavation and in the early evening I barbecued on my little red charcoal grill. Sigh. I must confess, this time of the year I do love this house and yard - it drives me crazy because it's so lush and green and tangled and overgrown and I love it. And especially, my very private backyard... it's heaven.


looking off into the distance, out to sea ...her favourite pose


green freshly mowed grass and blue, blue sky

a perfectionist's lament

a line of red tulips in my little back garden forest

Ah ! The Polaroid ... ah, the intense colour saturation ! Love it !

June 1 - time does fly, whether you're having fun or not, it seems. Kidding. Yesterday was a lovely day. Finally got La Beast Rouge out of her pen around noon and we tooled around the entire yard, she purred like a monster kitten and didn't give me any trouble at all. Merci La red beast. I don't own a whipper snipper because two noisy, loud sputtering machines would just push me over the edge - so I have hand clippers - you know the big Edward Scissorhand clippers, which I just recently took into the lawn mower repair shop to have sharpened and they now clip beautifully.

I mowed, then tidied up the curbside debris (leaves and pine needles and the odd tiny tree sprout) in front of 29 Black and then I swept the street - uh uh! That's what you do in these parts if you are a decent human being. Smile. I lovingly clipped every long blade of grass that edged the curb and around the three big trees that are in my front garden and I eventually stood back, on my neighbour Chester's lawn, to admire the new & improved meticulousity of my front garden

Oh, oh there's a long blade of grass near the driveway. Clip. Clip. Swoon.

That's one thing I have to give myself, it may take me an inordinate amount of time to actually get around to the DOing of something - but when I do - I throw myself into it with the true anal compulsion of a died in the wool perfectionist. It's why this property causes me such ongoing disconsolation - because most of this giant yard, without the proper equipment (heavy duty chainsaw, tractor, wood chipper) and the crew of 4 to operate said equipment - is impossible for me to create anything even close to perfection. And in my world if I can't make it (whatever it may be) at least close to perfect - the doing of it holds absolutely no interest to me. So ... I realize that I must just concentrate on the little patches here and there and occasional flower beds that I can make perfect. And of course I will continue my ongoing planning & scheming of ways to deal with my other back 40 - I will find that crew avec their big noisy machines.

pink & red

a page from la sketch book dated 2004

Bleet's up on my desk, he's just come in from his 15 min early morning adventure out side and he's here, demanding some lovin'. Our every morning mad pats & deep purrs session. Stretchy, pulling pats on his head, face and ears, (his favourite) and he looks like a little black velvet ewok as I'm doing it and he purrs loudly, drools a bit and chirps at me if I slow down or stop.

I'm about to begin a new project (specifics of course are top secret) but the theme of the project is Valentine's, and the colours are pink and red, it's all about using contrasting patterns which I get to create (smile) and it's completely up my alley ... it's a Susan B kinda project. I dug out this page from my sketchbook for inspiration.

Pink & red, a favourite colour combination of mine. This particular sketchbook page is from back in the day when I was in the midst of a 4 year stint as a freelance designer for Brighton. An amazing Cinderella story design ride, where I could draw whatever my heart desired (within the product line of course), I could draw as much as I wanted, with no restrictions and when I'd invoice them they'd Fed Ex my cheques - unheard of (sigh). I also had two fabulous trips to Los Angeles and a Fairy Tale week long adventure in China & Taiwan (3 nights in Hong Kong holed up in a 5 star hotel, and days exploring that amazing tropical city and island - smile). I still pinch myself when I think of that trip. We were there to tour the various production facilities and traveled into mainland China to Guangdzou. When you look at the giant map of China, we traveled only a tiny distance into the countryside, but just that little taste was spectacularly beautiful, so lush and green and the culture so different from ours. It was a trip of a lifetime.

I will be forever grateful to Jerry, the president and owner of Brighton, who hired me very early on in my self employment venture and gave me such confidence in my abilities as a designer ... and not to mention Perk after Perk after Perk. I think he always believed that I'd eventually want to move to LA, he could never understand why I would want to live way up here in Nova Scotia, up in some Northern barren, pas de Fabulous hinterland (in his head anyway... as he is LA born and raised). Eventually we parted ways, mostly I think, because I wanted to stay put. I did give moving there serious consideration but ... I hate to drive - I'd never survive living in LA.

Today the only thing I have on my to do list is to work outside in the garden. I will happily push the loud sputtering red beast around, and I will pull up the zillion little tree sprouts that are coming up in very inappropriate places, I will add manure and compost to existing beds, I will plant some seeds and I'll get really dirty, I'll be achy and sore, happy and satisfied ... and tonight the rain begins.

ache

my handsome red Noodle dog and hero ... always - Jake

there are some griefs so loud they could bring down the sky
and there are griefs so still no one knows how deep they lie

May Sarton

it's all about the birds

small fields of forget me nots in my garden

I'm up a bit early this morning. 4:30 instead of my usual 5:00 am. Miss Dixon needed to go out. I stood in the sun porch door waiting for her and listening ... the sounds of our early morning - the steady stream of lobster boats leaving the harbour, the song birds and crows beginning to stir, and my coffee maker gurgling and sputtering in the kitchen. Another brand new day is beginning and I'm always thankful for a brand new day.



Yesterday afternoon as Winnie and I walked down the red clay cottage lane, that runs between two meadows, on our walk to the lighthouse I notice that the Bobolinks are back. The green, green meadows are dotted with yellow and purple wildflowers and these handsome black, white and yellow birds sit atop spikes of wild grass and their chatter and song, is a new sound added to our afternoon walks.

It seems all the summer birds have returned and added they're joyful spirits to our landscape. Bobolinks, the Red Winged Black Birds sit perched up on the tips of bull rushes in the marshy area, behind the grassy lane and where the peepers live. They're song much like high powered electrical wires or that hot, buzzing, heat sound of cicadas at the height of summer, the Barn Swallows who flit across pastures in giant graceful swoops (and who set up their homes in perfect little houses my friend Carol lovingly puts up around her yard each spring), Cliff Swallows who live in little perfectly round tiny caves dug into the tops of our small red clay cliffs and the Kingfishers who call out loudly as they zoom a few feet above the surface of the water like miniature fighter jets.

The bird feeders outside my kitchen window light up with the tiny bright yellow bodies of Gold Finches and the red, red feathers of Purple Finches. Daily these feeders are a flurry of Finches, Chickadees, an assortment of Sparrows, Red Polls, Red Breasted Grosbeaks, Mourning Doves, the shiny iridescent blue black bodies of Grackles and occasionally a flock of yellow Evening Grosbeaks arrive for a picnic. Regular visitors to my large yard and forest also include Juncos, Downy Woodpeckers and Hairy Woodpeckers (the larger of the two), Vireos (easily noticed because of their penchant to climb branches upside down) and the handsome and co-operative flocks of Cedar Waxwings. I've also had occasional rare visitors like my beautiful Lady Baltimore Oriole, an American Red Start and a small hunting Sharp Shinned Hawk. eek !

I want to set up another pair of feeders in my back garden, the kitchen feeders are really there for the viewing pleasure of kittens Gussie & Oliver (my inside cats). In my back garden, just at the edge of my wee forest, I like to have feeders hanging from the trees and a large dish of water (both for bathing and drinking) which I change daily as it's often used through the night by the raccoons to wash their sweet little hands. And then I will sit in the early evenings, a big glass of lemony ice tea on the arm of my chair, miniature binoculars around my neck and Miss Dixon keeping me company - in a trance like, oh so relaxing meditative, bird watching state. Big happy sigh.

Nature is truly grand and my own tangled gardens are lush and green and blooming everywhere ... I am very grateful that I am surrounded by such wonder each and every day.




the most perfect tiny flower

fancy footwork

hey handsome ... my favourite photo

... and two steps forward again.

I'm not sure why it is that I can't take all this back and forth and round about fancy footwork in stride. I believe I should be charting all of this on some Windows spread sheet as I'm sure a few months of data would show something conclusive. Some pattern would emerge. I'm sure that the numbers would magically spell out - chill !

La Beast on my desk (former giant mirror like thing) has been turned on, and oh what a lovely 24" beast it is. Neophobia is slipping away. Check out the resolution and colour definition on this big beautiful display. This morning I installed Creative Suite 3 (Photoshop, Illustrator & InDesign) and uploaded my photos to the new beast. The colour is just to die for. I was worried that the display was so gigantic that I'd feel like I was sitting in the front row at the movie theatre ... not so. I still am using my laptop for email, and I need a fire wire (which I need to order), and my brilliant mac guy nephew Michael, if I'm going to transfer files and such to the new beast. However, as you can see my wee lap top takes up very little space on my big teak topped desk.

Great productive day yesterday. Finished 14 thumbnails (my initial goal was 10) and my customer picked 9 - not bad! The more little sketch ideas (thumbnails) I can dream up and send to them the more they're likely to choose. That's 9 x my per frame fee (these are photo frame designs)- the kids are fed again or another month. Sigh.

I'm thinking about having some of my photos printed on watercolour paper and for sale in my little etsy shop and I began researching the proper paper yesterday. I'm thinking some of my Polaroids like this one or these Any suggestions that you might have, favourites and/or ideas always would be greatly appreciated. Also some illustration prints/small posters (surprises yet to come) - and all by end of June. You heard it hear first !

I'm having lunch out with a girlfriend today ... and then back to the big teak topped desk. Smile.

Just read back through this post. Yawn ... a bit boring ! my apologies.

two steps forward ...

red daisy and pink magnolia blossom

What is the saying two steps forward ... three steps back. Blah ness was la theme of yesterday, even my new organized and lovely office space could not get me going. Perhaps it was my biorhythms being out of whack (sure enough ! the emotional chart's in the basement) , a hormonal weirdness or some planetary disturbance - maybe the Phoenix landing on Mars stirred up some quirky astro physicality. I'm not sure -maybe it was that weird Monday curse.



I did manage to draw 4 thumbnails but my goal was 10, 10 thumbnails plus completing another project (jewellery drawing revisions a 2 hour or so job). Thankfully, most often, these arbitrary deadlines are self imposed and not created by my customer. I always seem to be a fan of the make it difficult to accomplish - school of goal setting ... what's better than another reason to pick on yourself. Sigh.

Yesterday was very windy, warm and windy and by early evening it was overcast and I decided to throw in the towel ... somehow cloudy always lets me off the hook. If inspiration hasn't hit me by 5pm ... it's not gonna happen. Sadly a Memorial Day marathon of John & Kate + 8 was on TLC. My TV is in my bedroom ... I watched, completely glued (what's up with that ?), episode after episode of life with two sets of multiples - twins and sextuplets ... all the while eating nasty carbs and drinking aspartame (with ginger flavour & bubbles). Badness all round. So many things to give up - white stuff, artificial sweetener, and TV to name a few (my TV has been canceled as of Saturday, pas de television - no more cable which means no more channels ... a huge relief). ... but what about the summer Olympics in Beijing ?

Sigh ... yet another new leaf is being turned over as I type this.

a sunday report

more beautiful bright pink tulips

Well I'm sitting in a completely organized and tidy office space. Spent yesterday going through all the piles of stuff that had been placed in the big sunny hallway (soon to become my library space) these piles had been there since my friend MLou came for the weekend to cheer me up & to help me paint - which was exactly one month ago. Books and papers and art supplies ... now all happily reside in their special new place. I love having my things where they are supposed to be. Clutter free and organized. Smile.


I do still have to organize my project files ... BFF Harry gave me a practically new, four drawer, legal size, filing cabinet (be still my heart) that sits neatly tucked in my closet supply area with my printer happily sitting on top of it. My new and huge teak topped desk has 2 legal size hanging folder drawers so that I can keep pertinent and current project folders right here at my fingertips. It's so funny the little things in life that can absolutely thrill you. Big happy sigh. I'll stop in at the home building store this morning after our walk because I also want a giant cork board (3'x6') - an inspiration board. I was going to hang it on the wall but have decided instead to hang it on the inside of my supply closet door - a door that I keep open always and that is in plain view if I glance up from work. A place to visualize my dreams and goals.

Then later in the day yesterday I worked in my back garden (photos to come)... cleaning and tidying, weeding and adding manure, compost & mulch to my little garden beds. I really just put a very small, teeny dent in all that needs to be done out there, out in the gigantic yard, garden and jungle that is my property ... but never the less it is a dent and a noticeable dent at that. And while I worked in the garden Winnie Dixon, on the other side of the green wire fence, in her big dog yard, worked on her own giant excavation ... a project she and Jake began last summer - a very big hole just outside the sun porch door. A hole she likes to tuck things away in, special toys and rawhide bones. Winnie digs, of course, with her front paws and covers and buries these special things with her nose and she gets so dirty - her sweet little shaggy face and button black nose become completely covered with dirt.

At this moment in time ... I'm feeling very happy & very contented.

melancholy

pink tulips

Blue, blue sky outside my office window. The sun is up and shining on a harbour that is as still as glass. Oliver's curled up in a kitten ball, asleep on his pillow bed in the wide window sill, grackles chatter outside in the trees and Winnie Dixon's asleep in her bed under my desk, asleep with one eye open and watching ... and waiting patiently for me to make a move. A move to get dressed, to get going, to get in our car and drive the 5 minute drive to our heavenly place ... and to begin our day. A Cat Stevens song plays on the radio and the pink tulips picked yesterday from my garden are beautiful. Sunday.

frugal girl goes shopping

one afternoon walk earlier in the week

It's been mostly cold and rainy. We haven't had much sunshine this week but when we did Winnie and I were out walking. We walked by these pastures that are becoming green under the blue, blue skies which were dotted with white, cotton ball clouds.

Frugal girl went shopping yesterday downtown in my tiny seaside village. I was in desperate need of cuticle cream. I'm afraid I'm a bit of a biter and a picker and a former nail biter. My cuticles very easily turn into a dry, flaky hangnail-ish mess. My favourite product for years and years was Revlon Cuticle Massage Cream (5.00 at most pharmacies) which I've recently discovered (after hunting in town all over to no avail and eventually googling it) has been discontinued. Someone is selling a jar on ebay for 24.00 - it is that great. But frugal girl is not paying 24.00. So ... I was out to find the next best thing.

I remembered that our pharmacy has a Burt's Bees product display and they have a Lemon Butter Cuticle Cream. A little more googling and a little more research - and I found good reviews of this product all around. I decided I was going to treat myself and try it.

An 18g tin of Cuticle Cream was 8.99 at my drugstore but I could also buy an entire little kit of both samples sizes (containing a half size 8.5g Cuticle Cream), full size products (tinted & shimmer lip balms) and a sweet little cosmetic bag covered with bees all for 19.99. The lip balms alone retail for 4.99 each. And who doesn't love little sample sizes. This way I could try the cuticle cream, you can never have too many lip balms, try the other products and have a sweet little bag to put stuff in. Sold. Well the cuticle cream is just OK - it doesn't hold a candle to the discontinued Revlon stuff - it was an incredible product ... two or three nights religiously putting it on my fingertips and that dry messy skin around my fingernails magically became as soft as a babies bum. Maybe I should pay the 24.00 on ebay.

I also stopped into the new ice cream parlour, two doors away from my house and across from the park that edges our harbour. Just to check it out, to say hello and introduce myself as I suspect I may be a fairly regular customer. 32 flavours of hard ice cream, the full menu of sundaes, slushies, flurries, banana splits, dipped soft ice cream and Jennifer can dip hard ice cream, apparently a rare and unusual talent. And if you get a double scoop she can dip each scoop in a different crackly hard coating. So ... technically you could have a double scoop, the bottom scoop say ... Peanut Butter Fudge Crunch ice cream dipped in caramel coating topped with another scoop say of .... Toasted Marshmallow ice cream dipped in chocolate fudge coating ... You know that hard coating on ice cream that when you bite into it cracks and big slabs of it come off and melt in your mouth ... I'm not even sure that I would ever order such a cone, but comforting to know that I could. Wow ! be still my heart. Smile.

more good things

a sweet Noodle dog silhouetted by early morning sunshine

Jake at the bend in the Grassy Lane, also known as the Bunny Trail because the rabbits love to come out of the woods and enjoy this sweet green grass. How I love this secret place that I walk at twice a day. I love everything about it ... the smell, the quiet, the sounds - of only birds and insects, dairy cows in summer and the occasional boat entering the harbour. I love the grass and the rocks. The sand and the water. The pastures that roll on forever and all the happy incredible memories of being here with my canine pack of three - when Emma Jane Louise and Jake were still here with Winn & I. We've been walking here for over 13 years. It is heaven on earth and I am so lucky that I get to enjoy this place every single day.

Good Thursday things ...

I mowed my lawn (phew ! ... done again for another 7 days).

And I spoke with my neighbours - I realized that any criticism of me and my efforts to keep my yard neat and tidy lives only in my head. My neighbours are nothing but kind and supportive ... and I am paranoid ... not that that's a big surprise. Smile.

Lots of great satisfying design projects on the go ... always helps to make me feel happy & content.

We had our first thunder and lightening storm of the season. Heavy rain showers fell on hot late in the day pavement. Steamy dampness on freshly mowed grass ... the air smelled amazing. Miss Dixon however, does not share my enthusiasm for thunder and must remain glued to my side for the duration, which is fine by me.

I made a half batch of these double chocolate cookies last evening. I used milk chocolate chips instead of semisweet chunks. They're little blobs of deep dark chocolate brownie like cookies with melty bits of sweet milk chocolate inside. Yum and more than satisfied a craving I was having.

mad pats & deep purrs

hey, there's my girl winnie dixon

I'm tired this morning ... and feeling a little low. That's how it goes though - up, down and round about ... rarely settling into one frame of mind for any great length of time. The flip side is ... who knows, I could feel elated in an hour or so. Life really is just like a box of chocolates. I can't believe I said that ... I did not like that movie at all ... an American fairy tale.

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday again. I have 2 design projects on the go ... one that must finish up by end of day tomorrow and another just beginning. I still have yet to get my office completely set up again, filing organized, reference books, art supplies etc... I'd like to have one whole morning (a good CBC radio morning) and tackle that job.

My next big house project is to paint my big sunny upstairs hallway - which I plan to turn into a library space. I'll move my 4 existing crappy old white Ikea bookcases upstairs (a fresh coat of creamy white glossy paint hopefully giving them more of a vintage feel) and I'll organize my books in some fashion, by subject most likely. I've decided to paint the walls that pale, pale not white, not blue, not green, not grey - kind of like air would be, if air were a colour - colour. Cream trim and shiny chocolate black floors. By the end of June would be nice. * that appears to be a reasonable goal.

Second big cup of java and big fat Bleet has arrived up on my desk, it's an every morning ritual of mad pats and deep purrs. He insists on going outside at 5:10 sharp to scoot around the yard for 15 minutes, even less if one of our neighbourhood strays are nearby, he's a big scaredy cat. When he comes back inside it's like he's been gone for days ... surely I must have missed him tremendously, and surely I must need to spend some quality time adoring him. He's a funny cat.

* goals that are time sensitive must always be taken with a big ol' grain of coarse sea salt

promise

6pm

The light coming in my studio windows is incredible, the riot of colours from the bouquet of tulips and my ever present, cheery window sill gerberas is explosive against the neutral palette that I've chosen for the room. Deep taupe brown walls, creamy white trim, and deep chocolate black floors.

This is the first week (the 17th week) since the death of my soul mate dog Jake that I have had days and days, it seems, without any aching sadness. I've walked on the beach many times with Miss Dixon by my side and no tears come with us. Of course typing these words will make me cry. When we get to the beach I always talk to him. He was the beach. I say hey Noodle, how ya doin', we miss you. He was the love of my life ... that dog. That big, goofy, handsome and always kind and gentle, big red dog. I sometimes forget that he's gone, for fleeting moments I'll think to myself I wonder what Noodle's up to and I must go find him and tell him how much I love him ... and then I'll remember that he's not here anymore, he's up in the clouds and in my heart. He's filled my heart. It's a relief to feel like I'm finally getting over losing him, that the memories of the end are finally fading. I'm getting over having to make the inescapable decision to end his life, to decide that it was time. To love that much is incredible and ... almost frightening.

I've been really busy with lots of assigned design work which thankfully keeps the busy mind that lives in my head preoccupied. I have many new personal creative projects brewing up there as well. Plus my new blog venture to sell this house, to sell 29 Black Street ... and of course all my many home and garden reno projects (which live in my head and mostly get planned to the most minute detail and ruminated on endlessly and ever so occasionally do actually become realized), and fitting in my favourite things - like cooking and reading and sitting in a chair in the backyard staring endlessly at the birds at the feeders while drinking a big glass of ice tea with lemon, or sloshing around exploring tide pools avec my girl Winn, lying on my back at the end of the grassy lane, beside the big pasture that borders the back shore, staring up at the blue sky and whispering thank you ... my life seems full at the moment. Full of promise.


7pm