Friday, August 1, 2008

Noodle & me

There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.


Another polaroid of Jake and me. I was quite sure that all my polaroids and especially any of my much missed big red dog had been safely tucked away in a photo album. This old house has two crawlspaces. Like large closets with doors that run along both sides of my bedroom, along the eaves where the roof slants downward . Earlier this week I was putting something away in one of these crawlspaces and there, on the floor, staring up at me, was this photograph. One I hadn't even remembered taking. I scanned it and carefully removed any dust spots and scratches with Photoshop and all week long I've been looking forward to today.

To the day I knew that I would post this photo, the day that I always say his name out loud. Jake. Last night as I puttered around the kitchen and Miss Dixon stood on the stairway landing watching me, wondering what was happening next and could it be that we were soon going for our evening walk I said to her. Wouldn't it be amazing if I could just open the door and in he'd walk ? Oh wouldn't we give him a greeting -you and I Winnie? Like those times when he and I would go off to town for a vet appointment and Winnie would stay home with the cats. Oh the greeting we'd receive when we'd return and I was always second on her list of spins and twirls and mad, mad kisses. Jake would always get the first round. She loved him as much as I did and we both miss him.

I saw a Dr. early this week, himself a dog lover. Among other things, we spoke about my grief and my constant companions - Ache & Sadness. He said to me Six months is not long. I knew that in my heart ... but bless him for saying it to me.

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.

Christian Nevell Bovee

the song I would sing to him ... if he were here beside me today
dogs love it when you sing to them.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise
And you, take me the way I am


  1. Thinking of you today. I love both of those very true they are!

  2. Sweet picture of sweet faces. It's good to have others validate your feelings, and your doctor's right, six months isn't long at all. Hugs and warm thoughts from Ca.

  3. thanks Mary D & J. Hugs back at ya !

  4. I just got done listening to the song..that girl can sing!! And you are is a very beautiful and touching song. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope and pray that some day, you will find joy where the sorrow currently resides.

    much love!

  5. bless your doctor for being a dog lover and so empathetic to your sorrow! there should be more medical professionals with that kind of caring soul. what a very special gift that lost-now-found polaroid is!

  6. Please know that I visit here often, but rarely leave a comment. I truly think that I understand your heartache and know that in a few years I will be going through the same thing. It is hard, if not impossible, for many who have not shared a life with such an exceptional creature. It can make us feel least that's my other people's eyes. Who is to know? I am so glad that you have a doctor who understands your loss and pain, and depth of sorrow.
    Take care and best to you, e.

  7. Sending kindness your way. Six months is not a long time at all when you are missing someone as special as your Jake.

    And you are right, dogs do love it when you sing to them. I sing
    I Feel Pretty, from West Side Story, to Apple all the time! Don't laugh.


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