diligence & practice

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

my girl, the girl with cheeks of sweetness - Miss Winnie Dixon

I'll confess ... I have times, fleeting mostly (but fairly frequently fleeting - say that 6 times), when I just feel like I wish someone would look after me. I've been living on my own caring for me and my family of animals (3 dogs and 4 cats for a time, now 1 dog and 4 cats), maintaining and growing my little self employed business, caring for this old house and garden for what seems like forever. For the most part I am and have been very content with all of it, happy as a clam ... but oh I do have times and this is one of them ... when I just feel tired. Tired of having to do all the thinking, all the worrying, all the caring, all the planning and all the doing. I'm sure this frame of mind, that's here this morning with me as I have my coffee, is a result of having la big support, my friend MLou here for two whole days this weekend. She's gone home and we're back, once again, to the daily grind.

It was a big, heavenly, break in my normal routine. The routine that lives mainly in my head and is a well worn tape that's playing on a continuous loop. I woke up this morning with the tape already playing. Sigh. A bit of whoa is me, a bit of tired and resignation, and a bit of sadness walked down the stairs with me to pour my morning coffee. I came back upstairs and sat here and read this blog's comments from yesterday ... and the tape stopped playing. I can see this life from a different vantage point when I read these comments and that is so nice. Just what I needed. Merci !

I realize that's what's important about having relationships in life is that they help you to see yourself through someone else's eyes, thoughts and feelings. Instead of always looking at yourself from your perspective - with all your tired preconceived and often negative opinions of yourself and your oh so tired, been the same forever, life. For those times when you don't have someone around to mirror back that new and fresh perspective, the kind and caring thoughts, the little tiny things that make your life unique and wonderful. I know you need to do it for yourself.

Not at all an impossible task ... just one we're totally not used to doing and one that requires constant diligence and practice.

D & P. No 1 on the agenda for today.


  1. D & P are certainly not always easy, are they? ug.

  2. G'morning Susan... It's probably just a bit of "empty nest" syndrome.

    ......... look!!! did you notice that Miss Winnie is looking at the camera. Straight on! And in the other pic... I am sure she is grinning!! she looks to me like she is getting more comfortable with that.....

    I always seem to have way too many thoughts to express on life situations. Probably because I've been through more than anybody should ever have to go through ... plus am much older and more "experienced" than you... ...but they seem too logical and pragmatical for most folks. ... and when I read back over them... almost feel like I sound a bit too tough or harsh, or... well, maybe even some other word I can't quite put a finger on... and then... wish I had said nothing because it often comes across as hurtful to some people. .. so, today I tried and erased about 20 times...and finally just gave up. Instead, I'll just say hang in there...

  3. That's what I need more of in my life, diligence and practice. Unfortunately, I'm better at applying this to my professional life than I am to my personal life, and so I remain a wage slave.
    It's good to be reminded of, and thankful for, how special our lives are, of the things, big and small, that make it all worthwhile. I forget this far too often, thanks for the reminder! :)

  4. D&P my friend are not always available to the artist. The mind needs those meandering luls that feel like waste of time.

    Winnie face is so expressive, what a lovely friend.

  5. What I need to PRACTICE is DILIGENCE.

    Life is so up and down. But, just like I said yesterday, I peek into your life and seeing how you feel so alone sometimes and tired of doing it all yourself, I know that some day, after the novelty of being alone wears off, I too will experience that. But just as you go forward, picking through the pile of emotions to snatch back the positive ones that fell to the bottom of the heap, I know I will be able to do that too.

    Happy day today (this is tomorrow I'm talking about in my time since I know you'll read this in the morning).

  6. Yes, I often feel like I wish I had someone taking care of me instead of having to do everything on my wond, from working adn paying my way throuigh college, on. And I'm responsible for a family of 5 to boot. Sometimes the weight of responsibilty can be quite daunting an exhausting but at the same time I know it is worth it.

    On your other comments about others and a diff perspective--how true.

  7. Anya, I really enjoyed your thoughtful comment above. I was disappointed there was no blog of yours to click to!

  8. when i see these cute photos of miss winnie i just want to be there to hug her. i was a single mother for 18 years raising 2 kids by myself and i remember well the feelings you are having. i've been remarried for 7 years now and some days i having fleeting longing to be alone again. so i guess we always have bits of those feelings whichever side of the fence we are on. i like the idea of d & p. i'm going to remember that one!

  9. Win Dixie looks lovely, as does your house. Mine is full of trolls at the moment, making a terrible mess and I am trying to paint, and the cats are just happy being cats.
    Solitude is a thing that I love and only through solitude can I find the space to create, although my solitude is full of animals.
    We wave across the water to you from Wales.


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