miss him

Friday, May 9, 2008

girlfriend - what would I do without her ? Miss Winnie Dixon

cottages on the other side of the lighthouse point

There is a noticeably cooler breeze blowing in the open window this morning. The sky over the harbour is grey and stormy looking and rain is in the forecast for today. Friday. The day I have been posting a photo and memory of my hero dog Jake who I said goodbye to 15 weeks ago today ... the dog who completely stole my heart many, many years ago. My everything dog and very best friend.

It's funny, it never ever occurs to me that this grief and sadness that I feel is something that must be gotten over. Tucked away or hidden, dealt with ... some end to it in sight. I do know that all of this big and aching sadness is ultimately a tribute to an amazing dog who touched my life in such an all encompassing way that I will never get over saying goodbye to him. My sadness and tears come from a feeling of extreme gratefulness that he managed to find his way into my life and that he lived to be the ripe old age of 13 ... and I miss him so much ... it's that simple. I just ... miss him.

Hot bubbles and scent awaits me ... La Wagon's (97 Ford Escort Wagon) brakes are acting up. I noticed yesterday afternoon as Miss Dixon and I tooled around the village doing a few errands in the rain (post office, library, grocery store). Fortunately my top speed in the village is a crawl ... maybe 30kms, but usually more like 20. I noticed when parking - pas de brakes - or barely any, and my brake light was on. Sigh. Drag ! This morning I will pop the hood and give her a little brake fluid juice (which I proudly know how to do) and hopefully that will give us enough brakes to get to the beach and back (that drive is very quick and practically on back roads) and then I'll drop the car off at our garage to have things checked out.

Drawing, drawing, drawing ... todays to-do list.

9:00 am update - for those of you concerned that I would (foolish & fearless when it comes to my morning beach walk) drive La Wagon without brakes you can breath a sigh of relief. I added brake fluid which did notta, no brakes - well maybe 10% brakes - not enough. I called Fred at the garage who briefly and very clearly explained the whole brake line system (don't you love it when people explain things to you ... I know I do) and he figures that there's a leak somewhere in my brake line. So ... I put Miss Dixon in the car and off we went. Creeping along, around the back way, to the garage which is only minutes away from 29 Black St. and I dropped off the car. Miss Dixon and I had a big long village walk and then along the harbour and to another small in-the-village beach, past the tiny old cemetery (which I must photograph one day soon) and finally by a large marshy area where the Peepers live. We saw three red winged blackbirds (actually we heard them first as they have a very distinct and unusual song). Red wing blackbird in Animal Medicine means omens and mysticism (read more here) and are associated with the astrological sign Cancer - which would be me ! Another sign from the universe ... to pay attention to.

my temporary office digs avec my constant companion - love her !


  1. Hey, it looks like you are moved into the new office...am I right? Fun! :)

  2. No not yet, that's Miss Dixon sleeping on the end of the guest bed. And I'm set up on a tiny antique desk that once belonged to my grandmother Blanche. Next week ... I'll be in the new office and I will have photos. This room is very similar in colour, though it's actually a much darker deep brown.

  3. It's so sweet to see Winn, just wanting to be close to you, you've both had such a loss. I don't think grief is something that needs to go away or be gotten over, it's just that it softens with time, becomes less disabling. And I too enjoy doing things and knowing things that aren't considered "feminine," it's kind of sexy, actually.

  4. thanks J, It's a comfort to know that you understand this deep sadness & missing and you've been here with us through it all and before. This grief has softened, I think, a lot ... but still, when I look at his face ... I ache for him. He really was my best friend. And yes, my girl Dixon, she's the best. xo, S & Winn

  5. http://sarahbowen.typepad.com/

    She's probably feeling the same as you just now.

    Its a grey day here too. Rain and wind. Good for staying in.

  6. It's never over when you cared for someone... and Jake was a someone....

    Yes, it does soften around the jagged edge....sort of...... but that is about it.

    don't bother trying to hide it...."it" will pop up and out every so often even if you do..... and it won't be "gotten over", trust me on this....it'll be there forever. The only good thing is that after a few years... you just won't cry as easily............and we finally learn that we just plod on..... regardless...........

  7. I know what it is like, I lost a beloved cat more than 16 years ago and I still miss him. I don't apologize for it either. It was a life, and a sweet pure life with so much goodness in it. There will forever be that hole in my heart which he so lovingly occupied.


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