sweet dreams please

Monday, January 28, 2008

the all time favourite photo of Jake, Winnie & Em

Jake & Em

I found this little poem online, I changed a few words and totally screwed up the rhyming

It's me

I stood beside your bed last night. Then laid down on the floor. I could see that you were crying. That you found it hard to sleep.
I noodled to you softly as you brushed away a tear, "It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at breakfast. I watched you pour your coffee. You were thinking of the many times, that you kneeled down to kiss me.
I followed you towards the cat food as you fumbled with the opener. I gently put my paw on you, I barked and said "gimme some of that" "Please"
You looked so very tired, as you sank down in your chair. I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday. To say to you with certainty that, "I will never leave."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew ... in the stillness of that evening, that I was there with you and that I will always be there.
The day is over... and I smile and watch you yawning and I say "goodnight, I love you ! just a little bit more than life itself, "and I'll see you in the dawning"

I'm still sleeping in the living room, on my sofa bed by the fire, with Sweet Winnie Dixon curled up at my feet and Oliver draped over some part of my body. For the last three nights, just after I've turned the light out, I've asked God to please let me dream about him, to dream about Jake, somehow that would be a sign to me that he's OK and that he understands why I had to do what I did. I haven't dreamt about him yet, or if I did I can't remember. It's probably that damn Ativan which gives you that kind of coma sleep, the sleep you want, the sleep you need to have when you don't want to wake up, especially not in the middle of the night - to lie there wide awake while reality tries to smother you with a big heavy blanket. I only want sweet dreams.

I want to be asleep in darkness and dream sweet dreams of my red dog.

Jake & Winnie Dixon sun porch

Thank you all so much for leaving such caring and thoughtful comments, for sending emails and for continuing to read about and admire the photos of my very handsome Noodle dog (and of course the rest of my happy gang of animals). Words really can't express how comforting it is for me to know that I have all of you out there, who've gotten to know us, and are helping us through this - you, who I know understand (many of you first hand) completely how horribly sad this all can be.

Winnie Dixon & Bleet are doing well. I think this whole month has been especially hard on Miss Dixon because she is such a sensitive soul and she's lost her big brother, her pal, and her best buddy and she's seen her mother a wreck. It's hard to tell with Bleet, but I'm sure he must wonder where his Mama's gone. He did love Jake so much, he adored him.


  1. It's good that you have your online friends and your animals to comfort you now. I hope you also have friends and neighbours locally who are looking in on you now and then, and that you're looking after yourself too. As much as you need to focus on Jake and your other animals now, don't lose sight of yourself in the process. *hugs*

  2. The photos are beautiful. No one who has been through this would expect you to be any other way. I recall being obsessed and depressed for a good long while. Now, when I pass my pup pictures I am able to speak to their spirits sweetly and feel comfort that they were with me for so long rather than pain.

  3. I wish you strength and peace, Susan. Words feel so inadequate at times like this. I'm sure that Jake is close to you, and I think you're right about medication muffling your dreams, it blunts the emotion, which is good and bad. It's such a cliche, but time is a healer. Big hugs and warm thoughts.

  4. I have to say I never dreamed about my old cat until quite a while later..as in years after the fact. However, I still dream of her now, and I love for her to show up in my dreams.

    Jake will be with you always.... count on it.

  5. thank you all again for your caring & love. Today really was a little bit better. Between the kind comments left here on my blog, a few lovely email messages from friends far away and todays many, many phone calls from those who know how much I love Jake and know how sad I must be. My day was absolutely filled with kindness, warmth and love. Friends & loved ones who knew I'd want to talk about him to tell yet another funny story about my boy, a story I'm sure that they've probably heard many times before. But everyone indulged me ... because they all love me ... like Jake loved me. And all that love, felt great.

  6. I'm reminded now of all the many dreams I have about Tess. It's been seven years (almost to the day, Jan 15, 2001) that she died and she is still top dog in my dreams! How sweet is that?
    Silvana still thinks of Jake as a young pup and can hardly believe he is gone. Ditto, dear friend....


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