feeling fine

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Jake & Maggie Sue

There's my boy with his friend and Golden girl, and Miss Dixon's best girlfriend, Maggie Sue - this photo was taken early Sunday morning. I'm afraid by lunch time Sunday, when we'd normally be piling back into the car to meet our friends for our second walk, Jake had begun to show, what are now becoming the tell tale, signs of another spell (three and a half days since the last one). So I called and let Deb & Maggy Sue know that we wouldn't be coming and gradually sure enough Jake fell into one of those I'm convinced that he must be dying episodes. This one lasted a very long time, nearly 24 hrs before he was back up and att-em and barking at the cat food dishes (my new benchmark for a healthy, happy Noodle dog).

I've been keeping a diary of the symptoms, dates and length of each spell. Sunday was the 4th spell and by far the worst in length but not necessarily in severity ??? Yesterday through a steady stream of tears, while my boy lie prone and zonked out in his bed near by, I organized our affairs.

I have been feeling anxious, each time these spells occur and I'm faced with the possibility that the end may be drawing near, that I don't have a plan of what I would do if it suddenly became clear that the time was here. He's a big dog and I cannot lift him by myself, and I honestly am not convinced that I have the emotional strength, either, to deal with what must be done, by myself. Yesterday I called in the cavalry (actually I emailed the cavalry) with a detailed description of plan A & a plan B (just in case). The cavalry being a good friend's husband, a big, burly man who can handle anything, and who drives a big, red pick up truck with a cab on the back and tires that will make it through most any weather. He emailed me back - I promise. More tears, this time of relief and gratitude. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I can now put those worries and concerns on my back burner.

And for today, and for right now, in this moment (while humming under my breath, and with a skip to my step)... outside there's a fresh new perfect blanket of snow, I just hung up the phone from a lovely long chat with a good friend who was up early and still on Bangkok time (she's just returned home from a month long visit in the southern hemisphere), we're just about to get bundled up for our early morning walk ... and my boy is feeling fine.


  1. Good morning from blustery Calgary. Gale force winds overnight..I was almost afraid to sleep in my bed for fear of the neighbour's trees uprooting or something! I doubt I got more than an hour of sleep ....sometime today I will just have to nap I guess.

    I am so happy your friend has agreed to help if and when it is necessary. Now, you can just enjoy the good days and wait out the bad... and if things get too much for Jake, you will know what must be done.

    It is all any of us can do...and in the long run? Believe me, it is so much easier and kinder with animals than it is waiting for our human loved ones to die with not nearly enough help at the end for most of them. We just get to sit by and wait because we are not allowed to end their suffering.

    Several other countries are so much more humane about the end of life than we here in Canada.....

  2. Your post made me tear up this morning. It's hard to face that things may be ending, although there is a certain comfort in having a plan.
    There is a wonderfully touching article by Harlan Ellison, in The Harlan Ellison Hornbook, about his dog, Ahbhu. Makes me cry just thinking about it, such a sweet and melancholy story.


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