we're up again

Friday, January 18, 2008

Blair Witch - Jake & Susan

Taken last spring while on an early morning walk at the golf course.

He's up again, after being down for 31 hrs, uh huh lying down, basically in the same spot, zonked out, no peeing, no pooping, just resting and sleeping for 31 hrs straight. That can't be good. But this morning, and last evening from 4pm on, he's been up, hungry and fairly normal. We're off at 8am for an early morning appointment with our vet Diane, and I feel quite confident that we'll both be returning home. One last ditch attempt, I guess, to try and call this something else, something concrete and fixable, something that requires a prescription, something to call it other than gradual death. My gut instincts are telling me that there is a very remote chance that this might be something treatable, but mostly I'm thinking we will be lucky to have weeks left and perhaps the time left is much less than that. Hopeful realism. I'm hoping to bring home some pain medication maybe, or some tranquilizer of some sort so that when he does have the, seemingly stressful & painful, initial stages of these episodes (the first hour or so), I can help to make him more comfortable.

I'm sorry that you've been swept up and down this roller coaster ride with me ... but trust me the extremes really have been extreme. The badness when it happens has been very bad, and very scary but thankfully, the good, healthy, up times in between have also been very great. I am so grateful for the overall slowness and gradualness of all of this and for the fact that he's continued to have ups. And I'm grateful for the potential truth to be so gradually and gently taking hold.

I'm off to have a lovely smelly bubble bath, and will write up my detailed report of all Jake's episodes, symptoms, time frames, etc - to try and give the vet as much information as possible. Will update when we return home shortly past lunch. Fingers crossed and prayers are said.

I'm sending artwork off to the printer to pick up today while we're in town. Hope to have my first product (12 Valentines greeting cards and two teeny tiny framed Valentines gouache paintings) in my Etsy shop by Monday.

11:45 am My boy is so fine today he's having a really good day. We're back from the vet and basically she didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know or suspect. The only true way to know anything conclusive would be to do exploratory surgery, she doesn't want to put him through that and I've never had any interest in going that route. She asked if he was having more good days than bad, and yes, I was able to tell her, at this point he is. I guess that'll be the real kicker. When the badness surpasses the good, the kooky, the gimme some of that cat food or I'm just gonna keep on barkin' at ya.

So I'm happy, I'm deliriously happy. Other people would get home and pour themselves a big ol' glass of wine or smoke a cigarette, but me I'm eating a big ol' slab of three layer, white, trans fat cake, with whipped, edible oil product, frosting and filled with strawberry gel (?). A large single serving slab that I picked up at the Sobey's bakery. It tastes like airy, sweet, slightly chemical fluff - but it seems to be doing the trick. It's much too early for an Ativan & ginger.

I will now continue to gather the courage, to wrap my mind around saying good-bye on a good day. On a day when it can just be he and I, on a day when he's feeling fine. We'll drive to town (30-45mins) together, no BFF's, no cavalry, just he and I. I know, my plan keeps changing, but I think it's becoming more refined and more perfect - it is, after all, a very important plan. Maybe we'll stop on the way at Dairy Queen and split a double bacon cheeseburger in the car (my boy loves a cheeseburger) before we go to the vet and we'll say good bye, together. Courage I think. And we have no idea when that day may be ... I'm allowing myself that glimmer of hope, and of chance that if we're lucky, it's not a day real soon.

ps I'm exhausted.


  1. adding my bit of courage and smidge of fairy dust to go with it ... save it in a little velvet bag...for when you need it most.

    hugs, too...

  2. I'm just back from a month in Colorado. Thought of you and the gang often. Sounds like Jake is advancing in his journey... bless his beautiful heart. I'm always here, S. You know that.
    lots of love

  3. Advancing on his journey ? I guess that's a way to look at it. Probably much easier to look at it that way when it's not your best friend's journey. Hark, I hear a truism.

  4. Im sending happy dog vibes you way.

    He must be a real old sweet heart.


Hey ! We LOVE comments here at 29 Black Street.
Thanks for stopping by.