Thursday, December 4, 2008

looks a bit like a yell ... but it's actually a big giant yawn

It's tedious and tiring work keeping up the constant kitten-company vigil here at the teak topped desk and it's a job Oliver takes very seriously. He's here beside me right now, his extra soft calico self ... purring up a storm and waiting for his first assignment ... maybe he could do a little scanning for me this morning ... or perhaps some filing and of course his opinions and critiques are always invaluable.

Blue Skies Lush bath bubbles this morning. Sigh. Another patchouli blend and I do so love a patchouli blend. The big, fat, black, chicelet (Nessie) has just arrived atop the teak topped desk. Madly purring and smelling fresh of outdoors after his 15 minute I must go outside at 4:50 am sharp to prowl around in darkness every morning routine. I must pause here ... as a big fuss has to be made.

My lunch date has been bumped to tomorrow - this morning before I begin work I'll make another cabbage roll casserole - did anyone give it a try ? It really was delicious and I find when I'm busy with lots of work it really helps to have food prepared - lest I eat potato chips (probably my No.1 favourite food - are chips a food ?) right from the bag here at the teak topped desk.

I haven't watched any television in days. I always imagined a scenario where I was so happily into my creative endeavours that I would just spend all my time in my little studio/office, at my desk, listening to CBC radio or a good audio book, working away on some new scheme, plan, collage or illustration .... and it seems suddenly, kind-of out of the blue - like those days have arrived. I find myself opening my eyes in the wee hours of the morning and thinking to myself before I glance at the lit numbers on my bedside clock. I hope it's time to get up. Lately I can't wait to get out of bed in the morning and to begin my brand new day.

I know that much of my free & easy, calm & cool demeanour has to do with the two big fat invoices that I've just sent out into the ether. For, alas, it's sad but true $$ = safe and secure feelings to me (one income, self employed gal with a severely dwindled nest egg) knowing that my bills will be paid for another month or two allows me the luxury of enjoying these moments. And for right now I'm just going to go with - everything is OK.

I feel like the real me ... has come back. She's shooed away Ache & Sadness ... along with Guilt and the big and bad Grief. I still miss him, I still think about him every day, I look up at the sky while we're on our walks and I talk to him. I still wish with all my might that he was still here and I still get a catch in my throat when I mention his name out loud ... Jake.

Love ... I'm so glad I met you.

Can't get this beautiful song out of my mind - by yet another fantastic Canadian singer songwriter Royal Wood. He wrote this song for his brother's wedding.


  1. Susan, I did make the cabbage roll casserole yesterday... you are right, it was delicious.

    Love the photos of sweet Oliver.

  2. I'm lovin' that you're lovin' life again.


  3. Glad you feel more like your old self.

  4. oh my goodness that is a bit sad or melancholy sounding for a wedding...although it is beautiful. I've never heard of him..., but then I don't really follow much of the music scene....

    you asked about the political mess.... what became of democracy? Why are those idiots screwing with government at a time of such uncertainty? This is SO not the right time to mess with anything. We need to quietly wait to see what will happen worldwide and especially stateside as we are pretty much an appendage and suffer the ills of the body. Especially the auto making problem. How can anybody think throwing money at the Canadian arm of it will fix things...or throw it at anything right now... we have to wait and see what the U.S. does first. A few weeks ago world leaders and economists were actually looking to Canada because we were riding it out just fine. They were investing here instead of other countries with huge problems. Now... . we are in turmoil. Obviously nobody has given this much thought and certainly didn't consider the global backlash. Greg is in the oil and gas sector and already overseas investors are pulling out of major projects which are then being shelved. The cost of oil has dropped over a $100 a barrel since earlier this year... it is at a point where some of the smaller companies are already laying off...and now this... if the big guys decide to hunker down and wait things out, there will be major trouble....

    on to wonderful things.... I love Oliver and am imagining him sitting right here on my huge old office desk that we bought from an oil company exec back in the 80's .... ...I think it could be mahogany....

    I'll have to send a pic of my big cat that I used to have...
    and his huge yawn I managed to capture.... it's funny when they do that....

  5. Hey Vee,

    It (the political mess) is just a little tres exciting don't you think ? All my regular CBC radio programming has been preempted and he (Stephen) has just come out of the GG's residence to talk to the nation ... and I'm on the edge of my office chair. Wink.

    You Western folks are a bit more fond of "the Stephen" then we Easterners - I'm guessin".

    Would love to see a photo of your big guy. Oliver's taking his lunch break at the moment with a nap on my bed.

  6. Being immersed in work that you love, with your animals around you helping out, something hot to drink at your elbow, good audio book in the background, fat checks on the way....
    who on earth needs television???

    Have a good day, Susan and furry crew!

  7. Hello Pamela ... you know I guess I sort of see myself as a bit of a TV junkie - I'm very afraid I'll miss something good - I'm forever checking channel line ups online and cuing up the VCR. Most often it's educational PBS and Discovery channel documentaries but oh yes - there are the odd guilty obsessive, can't look away, pleasure shows like Jon & Kate +8 - wink.

    and Vee ... did you listen to those lyrics ... they perfectly describe love found, at last.

  8. I bought the ingredients for the casserole, but haven't made it yet. I'm so glad you're feeling good, having money coming in and doing something you love sounds wonderful. :)

  9. yep...we want Stephan. But, Susan... he should be right up your alley. Intelligent is the new handsome n'est ce pas?

    I see him as our only sane option at the moment... we sure as hell don't need a used car salesman... and can't understand the Frenchies even if I am French.. especially when they get overwrought...which seems to be all the time.... who does it leave to deal with intelligent and well educated world leaders?
    I wish Quebec would separate and be done with it... quit yakking and holding the country for ransom every time any situation comes up. Of course..... they should also leave Canada's money and monetary system behind ... along with health care, OAS, oil subsidies, federal road works, etc.... what fun that would be watching them figure that one out.

    Okay...I'll look through some old photo albums and see if I can find wee "Tyke".... my long 22 pound cat from years ago....

  10. That Oliver is SO pretty.

    I just put the ingredients for your casserole on my grocery list. WT's gonna love it this weekend!

  11. Hi, Love love love Olivers yawn photo. makes me smile. It makes me want to get a pet cat too. We always had one growing up.


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